OMG a Recipe: Ice Cream Death Match 3000

What a title. Ought to have its own theme song, I'd reckon. Something that would be played to roaring post-apocalyptic crowds wielding prison-worthy weapons and ramshackle armor cannibalized from an old Buick. But, Wasabi, what the hell are you talking about -- it's ice cream on a little fruit tart. But that's where you're wrong. Beneath that creamy, soft-lit exterior is a smoky, oily, meaty underbelly. This is Thunderdome Ice Cream.

This...is... BACON! Spartans need not apply - Photo by Wasabi Prime

I know everyone's so over "the bacon thing," but I can't help but dabble in the Dark Arts of Baconology, simply because I dig on swine. I got to thinking, bacon ice cream on its own would be pretty repulsive, all greasy, meaty and cold. That's not an after dinner treat, that's something you let sit to congeal in a glass jar before throwing it out, lest it choke up the drains. But what about treating bacon like salt, a secondary savory element to just help coax out other flavors? My issue with most baconized weapons of edible destruction is that they tend to be overpowering in the smoky or unsettling meaty-ness. Save it for my BLT, suckas. I decided to make a maple bacon ice cream. I say "maple bacon" and not "bacon maple" because I wanted the maple sweetness to come first, and only have the bacon be a slight textural crunch, with a hint of savory smokiness. Maple is a familiar companion to bacon, since they're such good pals at breakfast, so I thought the familiarity would not breed contempt with unsuspecting tasters.

This idea came about from an earlier ice cream making event, where I made a brandy butter spiced pecan ice cream. Why so fussy, Wasabi? Just say it's butter pecan like everyone else. Well, I had a little jar of brandy butter that was so luscious, but on its last scraps, so I knew this would be the best way to give it a Valhalla-like sendoff by incorporating it into an ice cream. I was concerned the brandy flavor and just the sheer butteryness of it would be overpowering, so tossing the pecans in a bit of cayenne before roasting them lightly helped cut that richness with a bit o' heat.

Indy attempts her best "Sad Pup Face" for ice cream. It no worky - Photos by Wasabi Prime

So, big duh, the buttery spicy pecan ice cream was freakin' delicious, my love handles grew three sizes too big, and that combination of flavor and taste sensation was what begat the maple bacon ice cream. You're asking, what's with the fruit pie? Two things -- one, I was tasked with bringing a dessert to a small weekend dinner gathering and I thought just the bacon ice cream would gross people out to the max, so needed the pairing with a pastry to help cushion the blow, and two, maple bacon ice cream on its own just looks kind of bland for photos. Only a food blogger would bake a whole pie (and mini fruit tart from the scraps) as a garnish for pale ice cream. Le weird, what can I say?

Don't give me that picky baby face - try it, I think you'll like it! - Photos by Wasabi Prime

The maple bacon ice cream over a warm serving of nectarine pie is quite nice, I gotta say. The late harvest nectarines are super sweet, with a nice bitterness from the skin. The flaky pie crust helps as a buffer between baked fruit sweetness and the rich ice cream. Consider it training wheels to get people used to the idea of meat ice cream, as you don't immediately get a bacon-y flavor, just small savory doses of it when you get a little crunch of it, plus that round sweetness of maple helps keep everything in check. This was the thought behind pairing pie with such an odd frozen treat. Consider it pastry subterfuge; the spoonful of sugar helping to get the bacon bits down.

Maple Bacon Thunderdome Ice Cream
4 slices of reduced sodium, non-peppered bacon, chopped small
3 eggs at room temperature
3 cups half and half
1/4 cup pure maple syrup (the real stuff, not that fake-o corn syrup stuff)
1/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-2 tablespoons of reserved bacon fat

Heat a pan to medium/low heat and begin to render the chopped bacon until fully browned and crisped. Reserve a couple of tablespoons of the fat and set aside the bacon bits in a separate bowl.

In a separate saucepan, combine the half and half, sugar and maple syrup and bring to a low simmer. Stir constantly to incorporate the ingredients. Check the temperature of the liquid to make sure it's about 170 or 180 degrees and then temper (add a little of the heated liquid in a bowl with the eggs and mix to raise their temperature) the eggs before incorporating them with a whisk to make sure they don't scramble in the liquid. Go ahead and shut off the heat and whisk in the vanilla extract and reserved bacon fat. Strain the custard through a sieve and chill for a few hours.

As you're churning the custard in your ice cream maker, add the bacon bits towards the end of the churning cycle, when it's a soft-serve texture. This will make sure they don't get too broken up and retain their crunch.

You of course don't need to bake a pie to go with this, but it's not a bad thing to serve with a fruit dessert. I think it would actually go well with an apple pie or pear tart. Maple bacon ice cream isn't as scary as you'd think, so don't squinch your face up like a five year old and widen your taste horizons to the Thunderdome of Desserts.

An overzealous garnish and buttery pecan heaven - Photos by Wasabi Prime

UnRecipe: Holy Schnitzel, it's the Other White Meat

All this turkey talk with Thanksgiving coming up -- don't jive me, Turkey! What about the other white meat? Don't let H1 urban myths steer you away from the loving porcine arms of Wilburiffic deliciousness. In a belated theme of Oktoberfest and a continued theme of "we need to clear out our freezer," Wasabimus Prime put forth a Pork Schnitzel with an Apple and Beer Sauce, served with Gorgonzola and Pecan Green Beans.

That's some good schnitzel, man. - Photo by Wasabi Prime

The UnRecipe part of this meal was the fact that we had frozen pork chops and some random beers sitting in our mini fridge. The whole UnRecipe theme is slowly evolving from "throw everything together and see what happens," to "throw everything together, try and write stuff down, and see what happens." I'm not entirely sure if it makes much of a difference to readers, having the recipes listed below, as I don't think these dishes are exciting enough to inspire anyone to make them. But it is a peek into the life of a consummate pantry cook who just likes to MacGyver-it when it comes to meals.

Since this was one of those thrown together meals, I didn't take any photos of the making-of or separate ingredients, but given the basic nature behind it, I think the final, plated meal is pretty self-explanatory over what was used. I liked this meal because it's uncomplicated and appropriate for a weekday dinner, plus the ingredients are simple and budget-friendly. As everyone's in the midst of preparing for a big Thanksgiving feast, this is a simple enough thing to make prior to the Big Push next week, without having to give in to the siren song of the drive-thru window. Although damn it all if fries and a milkshake aren't tasty!

Holy Schnitzel, it's Oktoberfest! (with Gorgonzola Pecan Green Beans)
(serves 6)

schnitzel ingredients
3 large pork chops, trim excess fat, sliced lengthwise and pounded flat (stressbuster!)
1 large apple, cored and diced (whatever's in season, but I dig Fujis)
1 stalk of celery
1 cup flour for dredging
1 bottle of beer (Oktoberfest/seasonal brew, if possible)
1 shallot, minced
2 tbsp vegetable oil
1 tsp thyme and/or rosemary, finely chopped
salt + pepper to taste

side dish ingredients
2 lbs green beans
6 oz pecans, rough chop
4 oz gorgonzola cheese, crumbled
1 tbsp olive oil
salt + pepper to taste

To prepare holy schnitzel: Put a large skillet on the stove and heat to medium-high. Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides of pork and dredge in flour, dust to remove excess. Put vegetable oil in heated pan, enough to cover surface, and add dredged pork, two at a time to avoid crowding the pan. Cook until browned on both sides, cooking all cutlets and then setting aside on a platter when done. Tent with tin foil to keep warm.

Reduce heat to medium, keep skillet on stove, add diced apple, shallot, and celery. Cook until wilted, slowly adding beer to help deglaze pan and create a sauce. Add fresh herbs and a pinch of salt and pepper, tasting as you go. When full bottle of beer is emptied into pan, reduce sauce to thicken slightly and add pork cutlets back into the pan to coat with the sauce. Let the cutlets and sauce play nice for a few minutes before turning heat off.

Green beans time! You can start this while the sauce is reducing -- get a pot of water boiling on another burner. When water gets to a boil, add the green beans and cook until beans get to a bright green -- should only take a few minutes for them to be partly cooked, but remain crisp (that's what I like), but if you like them softer, feel free to let them suffer further in the bubbly cauldron of hot water. Drain the beans once they get to the doneness you prefer. Turn the burner off, but leave the beans in the drained pot. Add the olive oil, chopped pecans, gorgonzola cheese crumbles, and a pinch of salt and pepper. Toss mixture; the heat from the beans will melt the cheese and combine with the oil to create a sauce, and keeping it in the pan saves you from dirtying another bowl. But if you like doing dishes, feel free to toss mixture in another container, as I'm not the boss of you. :)

Holy schnitzel, let's plate up a cutlet, smothered in an apple/beer sauce, and a big heaping pile of nutty, cheesy beans and om nom it up while you're watching something awesome on TV. Having another beer in hand while eating this meal is not a bad thing either, so cheers to weeknight meals!

FoodFail: Crater Blueberry Muffins

I saw this on a license plate frame today: "I used to be schizo, but we're OK now." That's a good description for how things are while I move the Old Wasabi at Vox to the New Wasabi here at Blogspot. I promise the recent confusion will subside, and I thank everyone for being patient with the changeover. To alleviate some of this self-imposed busybody-ness, I decided to bake blueberry muffins, as baking can sometimes be a calming thing. Everything leading up to the baking part went smoothly, but I was telling fellow blogger, Ms. Picket Fence, that I wished I lived near or around Crater Lake, Oregon, because then I could have called these Crater Muffins. Let's not ruin the post quite yet and just gaze for a moment at this serene tableaux of ingredients, shall we?

Still life with muffin ingredients, prior to "the Crater Incident" - photo by Wasabi Prime

Per some earlier Tweets this week, I was inspired to do something with blueberries. They're in season and incredibly well-priced right now. I decided to go with the blueberry muffin recipe I found on the charmingly funny blog, Omnomicon. The recipe was originally from Food Happens, and Omnomicon's Aleta had given it a foodie thumb's up. Bless her heart, she wisely advised to lighten up on the pecan and brown sugar topping, as that tends to cause the center of the muffins to collapse a bit while baking. I made sure to heed that bit of advice.

Food pr0n alert!! - Photo by Wasabi Prime

However, I'll be the first to admit that I made a substitution mistake, replacing the buttermilk part of the recipe with Greek yogurt. The recipe said yogurt could be used as a swap, but I think the thicker Greek-style yogurt made the batter more concentrated. I don't know what kind of mad science took place during the baking process, but it wasn't the kind of mad science that creates sexy Kelly LeBrocks from Barbie dolls. No, this crazy mad science created Crater Muffins that, instead of rising into fluffy mounds of goodness, they made a vertical dash for their neighbor and I wound up with sunken-in, crazy Siamese Twin pastries. But you know what? They were still damned tasty.

Pecan and brown sugar topping. It looked better before it went into the oven - photo by Wasabi Prime

While not pleasing in an aesthetic sort of way, the finished muffins were still pleasing in an om-nom-nommic sort of way. I had no trouble eating a couple, and in an act of nutritional defiance, called it dinner. This was probably the least offensive photo I could take of the finished muffins. I placed a little coffee mug with the Finnish cartoon characters, Moomin, as a crutch of happiness to lighten the gravity-stricken baked goods.

Moomins make everything better - photo by Wasabi Prime

Overall, I can't be that discouraged over the result, especially since I knowingly put the batter in harm's way with an untested substitution. I also swapped regular flour with whole wheat, hence the darker color, but I think the Greek yogurt 'twas what done this batter in. Live and learn. I'm still pleased with the photos and weather permitting, may try this recipe again, minus ingredient swaps, before the blueberry harvest peters-out.

I believe it's time for an ingredient montage! - photo by Wasabi Prime

* Post Script * Another big THANK YOU to Tastespotting for posting a photo of the blueberries from this post! As Leo Sayer would say, you make me feel like dancing!

* Post-Post Script - Big blueberry thanks to Photograzing at Serious Eats for posting the 'money shot' of blueberries getting mixed in batter. HOT!

* Post-Post-Post Script - Thanks to Foodie View for posting the pr0n-tastic blueberry mix photo!