FoodTrek: Fear and Loathing at a Lar-D-Q

I don't think I've given the impression that this food blog is anything particularly gourmet or precious, and if anyone did get that impression, I apologize, as this post will most assuredly dash that high-falutin' assumption. But let it never, ever be said that the Prime doesn't love a good time. Mr. Wasabi and I were most fortunate to receive an invitation to an event to inspire arteries to constrict in both fear and loathing. Friends Mr. and Mrs. J + B were both hospitable and inventive to host a Lar-D-Q party, where they purchased several gallons of liquid porcine gold, two frying appliances, and an open call for all things sweet and savory to cast within the bubbling cauldron of fat. There was much food, much alcohol, and Johnny Depp's voice as Hunter S. Thompson in the back of my mind whispering: We can't stay here. It's bat country!

Welcome to Thunderdome - is there a doctor in the house? - Photo by Wasabi Prime

I have to give J + B a lot of credit, as they are true foodies at heart who understand quality meals and ingredients, but bless 'em, they are creative buggers with a wicked sense of humor. They set out on a quest throughout Seattle to find massive quantities of maneca, a natural, non-hydrogenated lard, and they found a supplier at a carniceria, a Mexican meat market, that sold chicherrones, which require the maneca to get the pork rinds to crispy, fried deliciousness. The carniceria tends not to do full deep-fat frying, so it took a couple of weeks for the market to save up enough for the party, but J + B were able to procure several gallons' worth in time for the party. In the words of The Simpsons' evil corporate mastermind Montgomery T. Burns: Excellent.

I seriously thought my heart would stop. And that was early on, when we were throwing battered strips of bacon straight into the fryer. Mr. J had wisely set up a card table on the porch with two frying appliances heating the lard to the perfect temperature. The cold of the night kept all the items in the fry-queue safely chilled. One of the first items that got fried were doughnuts -- a delicious pumpkin cake dough (gluten-free to boot). Hitting the pristine lard, they fried up nicely, ballooning into perfect golden rings. After that, it was a free-for-all of savory items. Anything you can think of, guests brought. It was like a glorious battle, full of vigor, pathos and agony. And hunger.

Scotch egg, lumpia, fried jalapeno, bacon and Bakon Vodka - my chest hurts! Photos by Wasabi Prime

The roster of items that took a lard soak included: breaded cheese, onion rings, potato fries, stuffed jalapenos, chicken drummetes for spicy hotwings, ravioli (yes, they worked grand!), breaded macaroni and cheese balls, and the aforementioned bacon strips. Some of the night's superstars were Mrs. B's heavenly lumpia, which were so popular, I didn't get a chance to take a photo of them after they were fried; and the almighty/unholy Scotch Egg. It's the perfect protein bomb, as it's a hard-boiled egg wrapped in ground sausage meat, breaded, and then fried. Given that the majority of guests were members of the Eastside CrossFit gym and are card-holding members of Team Protein, the Scotch eggs were a home run. Much like some mythic beast of Nessie or Yeti proportions, the Scotch egg was an entity often talked about, but seldom seen. I managed to have a slice or two, and the myth became a reality. I think my chest tightened a little, but I fought it back with a swig or two of beer.

You'll notice in one of the photos there is a bottle of Bakon Vodka. On a random alcohol spree, I picked up a bottle and hadn't quite figured out how to use it yet, and the Lar-D-Q seemed the perfect event to crack it open and let the Bacon Freak Flag fly. It's a locally-made spirit, a product of the Pacific Northwest, and probably should be spoken about in hushed tones so as not to frighten the children. Their website lists several recipes, and the only drink we used it for that night was a classic Bloody Mary. It was quite grand for that, providing a nice smoky flavor that I quite liked. But after a few of those and several glasses of sangria later, I decided to give it a try straight up, and I can say this was an example of impaired judgement due to alcohol. Definitely a mixer spirit, not to be sipped on its own.

Can I offer you a frosty beverage... or seven? - Photo by Wasabi Prime

Mr. Wasabi avoided my spirited mistake and enjoyed a glass of Johnnie Walker Blue Label as he supped on fried, breaded goodness. I think his favorite was the Scotch egg, which I'm sure goes well with whisky. As the gentlemen sat back and savored their prized liquor amid greasy fingers, the party turned its attention towards dessert. And by then, I think the divine inspiration of several drinks took over and macabre delights issued forth from the fryers, like creatures from a Hieronymous Bosch triptych.

There was pancake batter and several packages of cookies. That, and two deep-fryers filled with hot lard, and it's a recipe for the Manhattan Project. I must say the deep-fried Oreos were molten deliciousness, and the doctors insist the skin on the inside of my mouth will, indeed, grow back. There were also fried Twinkies as well -- thankfully no sponge cake explosions. Things got especially unruly and awesome when the cookies were being wrapped with bacon, battered, and then fried. I Tweeted one of those photos and in all likelihood, the internet melted down in a fury of confusion and terror. I did not partake in the battered bacon Oreo cookie, but I hear it was quite a gastric adventure.

Fry, my little pretties, FRY!!!! - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I must extend thanks yet again to the frying team of J + B, as well as the whole burly mass of Spartan glory that is Eastside CrossFit for lending their skills, stomachs, and livers for a thoroughly outstanding night. When my doctor gives me the clean bill of health and the staff of Mercy General takes me off the machines that are currently keeping my blood pumping through my heart, let's definitely do it again.

UnRecipe: Thanksgiving Prefunc

Surprise, it's not a Thanksgiving post! I anticipated I wouldn't have a T-day wrapup post ready in time, due to a prolonged food coma -- I was right! I also got hit with a cold over the weekend and need to collect photos from my friends who took pics on Turkeyday, so have patience, Grasshopper. But it doesn't keep me from sharing a pre-holiday meal that was designed to help prepare for Turkey Day. This practice-round simple dinner featured an Herb Roasted Chicken, Cranberry Wine Sauce, Herbed Sweet Potatoes, with a Walnut, Apple, and Goat Cheese Spinach Salad.

No, it's not turkey leftovers! - Photo by Wasabi Prime

Certainly nothing earth-shattering, and not really worth posting a recipe, as this was more of a way to clear the fridge for the onslaught of Turkeyday grocery shopping. It was also an excercise to practice taking apart a fowl beast. At the risk of upsetting Thanksgiving purists everywhere, I didn't cook an intact turkey this year -- Norman Rockwellian meaty centerpiece be damned! I bought a whole bird, but I went all Boxing Helena on its poultry booty, removing the meaty parts for faster and controlled cooking. I didn't want performance anxiety, so I practiced on a small chicken and figured I'd play around with a cranberry sauce while I was at it.

I wish I could find a clip from Alton Brown's Good Eats episode where he showed how to separate a chicken into its main meaty parts, where he used a wooden skeleton of a dinosaur to illustrate how all the parts joined and interlocked. It was a really helpful way to visualize how the parts were connected, and where to cut so as not to shatter bones. I was inspired by that how-to, and that helped with cutting down the chicken. I think the episode was called Fry Hard II, if you happen to have it on DVD.

Once the practice round was completed and I felt at least a little more comfortable with the idea of dismembering a larger bird, this meal sort of appeared out of the UnRecipe ether. A friend had given us apples from her tree, and we had spinach, walnuts, and goat cheese in the fridge. I'd had a bag of fresh cranberries for an as yet-to-be-revealed project, and I figured I'd just use them and buy a fresh bag for Thanksgiving. I made a cranberry sauce using a bit of Hightower Cellars' 2007 Murray Cuvee. I wanted to see how adding a bit of wine to the cranberries would work out for flavor. It ended up bringing out too much bitterness, but it helped develop the intent over what I would use for Thanksgiving dinner's cranberry sauce, adding more sweetness and some spice to balance the wine's acidity. As for the rest of the bottle of Murray, it went well with the rest of the simple, satisfying dinner. Indy the Wonder Pup approved of our wine choice, but did not approve of the fact that she got neither a sip of vino, nor a taste of roasted chicken. Sorry, pup.

What? I can't haz wine? WTF?! - Photos by Wasabi Prime

* Thanks to Hightower Cellars for providing the wine. We were excited to try this one first, as Indy most certainly approved of the label design.

It's the Great Pumpkin Cheesecake, Charlie Brown!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Are you leaving out can-shaped cranberry sauce and a plate of candied yams for the Great Pumpkin Pie, who flies in to magically defrost the turkey you totally forgot to fridge-thaw three days ago? No...? OK, so that's totally made up, but if you do still have a twenty pound bird trapped in the Ice Age, attempting to thaw in your refrigerator, may the Force be with you, and keep the local pizza parlor on speed dial. If you're feeling the pressure of holiday meals, just focus on the best part: dessert. I was inspired by a recent dual-location pantry raid and put together a Pumpkin Cheesecake with Chocolate Cookie Crust.

Amazing what can come out of random pantry goods - Photo by Wasabi Prime

What's behind pantry number one? I pilfered the remaining box of Jojos from the office snack supply -- Trader Joes' version of Oreos, supposedly made with a slightly less-scary list of ingredients to make the cream filling. There were maybe about a dozen cookies left, the perfect amount for making a crust. Pulverizing them in a plastic bag, they were rendered to a sticky, crumbly mess. The cream filling made for an adequate glue to help press it into the bottom of a parchment paper-lined springform pan.

The second pantry being rummaged through was our own. I found a can of pumpkin puree, and while I'd normally save it for a classic pumpkin pie, I'm taking a stab at pumpkin pie from scratch this year, so no canned goods allowed. I had my vintage copy of the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Cookbook, so I took their classic Motown Philly cheesecake recipe and modified it slightly for the sake of UnRecipe-ness. I used half the amount of cream cheese and added an extra egg, which yielded a more fluffy dessert, and not the typically dense cheesecake consistency. The flavor was light and sweet, and it didn't sink like a stone in one's stomach, but to be honest, I was kind of hoping for a more dessert density.

I'm not listing the modified recipe because I want to test it out again, add the original and frightening amount of cream cheese to get the traditional heavy richness, but with the pumpkin pie flavor. I may add more spices like cinnamon and allspice. As a dessert, the lighter version is perfectly enjoyable -- the team of professional taste testers, aka, my officemates, were kind enough to sample some slices. They were pleased with the result, but to quote the awkward genius of George McFly from Back to the Future: "Lorraine... you are my density... I mean... my DESTINY." I consider this post an unfinished date with density/destiny, and I hope to make this again with greater all-around success.

Until that dessert rematch, best of luck on your own Thanksgiving feasts. Remember to give thanks for the things that really count in life, beyond the perils of a dry overcooked bird. I wish bountiful feasts of goodwill, friends, family, and happy memories for everyone out there. And a slice of pumpkin pie with extra whipped cream, of course. Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, as an extra bonus, I have an announcement to say that foodie-fab blogger and Kreativ Blogger Award-winner, The Hungry Dog, did a "TAG, you're it!" on the Prime for revealing seven facts (foodie and non-foodie alike) about herself. Seven facts! Makes me think of that line from Something About Mary, about the Seven Minute Abs.

Factoid Uno: As a child, I decided I didn't like seafood only because my dad didn't like it. Am working on reversing this logic polarity of dumb-sandwichville.

Fact Part Deux: I am double-jointed and can pick up nickels with my freaky knuckle tendons.

Fact Episode III: I do not know how to ride a bike and will probably not pick up this skill anytime soon, because my motor coordination is EPIC FAIL.

Fantastic Fact 4: I am a sci-fi geek who likes comic books and other nerdy things, but does not play video games. Again, hand-eye-coordination EPIC FAIL.

Facticazzo Five: I find dogs cuter than babies (sorry, little ones -- get a fuzzy face and a wagging tail and maybe we can negotiate something)

Facto Sixo: Telly Monster on Sesame Street annoys the hell out of me. The rest of the Muppets are awesome-sauce, however.

Seven Minute Facts: I could eat potato chips all day, which is why I don't buy them. God help me.

Now comes the fun part - TAG, you're IT: SJBe, South Sound Garden, Tokyo Terrace, Velveeta Ain't Food, Tiny Urban Kitchen, Sense & Serendipity, Radish & Rose.