OMG a Recipe: As Drunk on TV

Two vital things you should know about me --  (Vital I) I like my cocktails and (Vital II) I like my nerdy TV shows. A nicely-balanced drink in one hand, DVR remote in the other... PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER. Actually, don't do that. It would be messy. But what you can do, is be inspired to mix up some cocktails and/or get your genre-based serialized drama-watching on! No Spock-ears required, I PROMISE.

Carry on my Wayward Son, there'll be peace when you are done (with this drink) - Photo by Wasabi Prime

Mixed Plate: We Can Portlandia That

One of the best things about visiting my family, (aside from visiting my family, which is quite good), is that they have cable. And I'm not talking Cable That Lets You Have the CW to Watch 'Gossip Girl' in Secret Shame, I'm talking more channels than you know what to do with, channels that have dumb names like "Cloo" or "Chiller" but I watch them anyways because they show Buffy reruns at midnight. The all-you-can-eat-buffet of channels also include IFC, which has the show Portlandia.  So get your bird on and get your brine ready... we're getting positively Oregonian on this shizzle.

An ode to Portlandia and the ability to pickle... well anything - Illustration by Wasabi Prime

I know it's not a big deal to have super-duper cable, it's easy enough to just catch Portlandia episodes on DVD or online. There's just something really special about completely bewildering my mom with the humor of Fred and Carrie's haplessly awkward misadventures. It's not the "ha-ha" funny, more like the "ooh, that's clever, I'm going to smirk self-knowingly" humor. So yeah, dry, snobbish, intellecutally elite humor, but whatever, sometimes it makes the milk come out of my nose, it's so funny. And that's not even when I'm drinking milk! Some of the best ones are with the Bryce and Lisa personas. They went viral with Put a Bird on it! And the last viral hit was for season two, which had the new catchphrase that we're all repeating ad nauseum: We Can Pickle That!



If that doesn't inspire you to pickle everything that isn't nailed to the floor, I don't know what will! Even though the skit is likely considered stale by internet meme/pop culture status, it was running in my mind when I really did take on that mentality of pickling... well, everything. I was a repeat offender and bought fruit from Costco, speficially lemons, thinking I'd use them all for some lemony-themed dishes. I went through a lion's share, don't get me wrong, but they don't sell lion's share-sizes at Costco, more like Jupiter's Great Red Spot-sized bags of produce. I got down to my last three or four yellow citrus footballs right before I had to leave town. I knew they wouldn't keep and the Mister wouldn't use them, but then the voices of Bryce and Lisa came into my head. We can pickle that. So I did. It's not so odd to salt and preserve lemons. I remember my dad pickling lemons, which we did every year when we used to live in Arizona. We had a big beautiful lemon tree that gave us grocery bags' full of marvelous scurvy-killing citrus. Granted, it's not something you'd bite a big hunk off, but my dad and I are sour fiends! I'd put fresh lemon juice in my cola, the sun tea was probably more lemon than tea, and with all the extras, my dad would shove into these huge glass jars, cover them with salt, and just let the Southwest sun do its worst. The salt would prevent anything from growing in there, while the lemons just melted and collapsted in the heat, weeping its precious liquid that mixed with the salt into a proper brine. They literally deflated and looked more like sad, flat football skins, but they were salty-sour amazing. My dad would slice them up into thin slivers and just eat them, basically like pickles. They made your face squinch up into all sorts of unattractive ways, but boy were they good and the acidity eating away our teeth probably made us look like meth addicts.

Red onions, lemons -- why yes, we CAN pickle that! - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I didn't have the Arizona sun to help me, so I preserved our lemons by cutting them almost into quarters, but not all the way through -- it kind of looked like a wonky tulip, with the wedges like flower petals. It was just to give a space to pack the insides with salt. I did it to all the lemons and proceeded to shove-shove-shove them into a wide-mouth swingtop jar. It was skins, pulp and all. Sealed up and left in our pantry, I'd check every few days, sloshing the salty lemon juice around to make sure it was washing over everything. The liquid increases and eventually gets high enough to cover the fruit, since that will start to shrink a bit. I didn't pickle them to eat slices. Now that it's been a couple of weeks, I've been using the salted lemons to flavor soups and stews. I cut off a wedge of the salted lemon, usually remove the pulp, and just use the outer rind, which has that distinctive citrus freshness. Finely diced and added into foods, you totally pick up the brightness of the citrus, the same way as if you'd added zest. I'm still experimenting, but I almost want to say the preserved lemon is even better than zest, as you can add quite a bit, and even with cooking, you never totally lose the citrus flavor since you're putting a good amount in. It kind of perfumes the dish. I've been adding it to stir frys and I really like it.

I was struck with the same pre-vacation conundrum and CSA delivery pressure with a red onion and a random cucumber. I love red onions and I didn't want to waste it by using it like a regular white onion, buried in a stew or pot of chili, so I thought of one of my favorite places, Boat Street Cafe in Seattle. They make their own pickles, including one with red onion and it's a-ma-zing. My red onion pickle was nowhere near as good as theirs, but I was thinking of them when I brewed up an ad hoc brine of white vinegar, sugar, fennel seeds, red pepper flakes, peppercorns, mustard seeds and coriander seeds. Why those ingredients? I had them handy and they sounded good together. I sliced up the onion, shoved them into multiple jars and poured the brine over everything and capped them all tight before getting them refrigerated. True pickles shouldn't need refrigeration but since mine were quickie pickling without strict sterilization methods, I didn't want to risk anything. When in doubt, fridge it. So far, so good, no one's gone blind and the red onions have been great with salads and as a sour relish on meat. I did a similar brine with the lone cucumber. The skin was so thick and it wasn't as tender as a nice English cucumber, so pickling seemed the decent thing to do. For that brine, I used rice vinegar, sugar, coriander and pepper flakes, so that it was more of an Asian-inspired pickle.

Pickled. And no, I don't mean my liver - Photo by Wasabi Prime

As annoying as a Portlandia-themed meme can be, the hipster wisdom rings true -- putting birds on things makes it better, and when it comes to pickling: Yes We Can! And oh, FYI, they were pretty spot-on with the Battlestar skit, too. Just sayin'.

UnRecipe: Shhhh -- Downton's On...

We finally fell down the rabbit-hole a few weeks ago, giving into the social pressure to watch the mega-super-all-the-cool-kids-watch-this-popular British series Downton Abbey. It's basically Upstairs, Downstairs, heavy on the suds and a righteous-sized set dressing/wardrobe budget. It's also addictive like sugar-coated crack with bacon bits on top. This picture is not, in fact, sugar-coated crack with bacon bits, more like a spicy curry squash and peanut soup with fried chickpeas. Why feature it with Downton Abbey? Because it's so dang civilised (notice I use the hoity-toity "s" spelling) and it's quick to make, ready in time to watch the latest episode and slurp the soup without catching a sidelong disapproving stare by Lady Violet.

Lady Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham would not approve of this "exotic" soup - Photo by Wasabi Prime

Give it up for Netflix Streaming, as we spent a weekend watching season one of Downton, almost back to back, which got us primed for PBS Masterpiece's current airing of Season Two, which they've been good about keeping episodes online, FYI. Amazingly, it was Mr. Wasabi who suggested we give it a go. I knew I'd get obsessed with it, so I was putting it off, and it was a pleasant surprise the Mister was keen to watch. I think it was because we rewatched the old Mystery! series, Cadfael, with the I, Claudius-fantastic Derek Jacobi, we're still waiting for season 2 of Sherlock to get its booty shakin' and we were on Brit-withdrawal (Brithdrawal?). It's a twisted, complex path that led us to the sprawling estate of Downton and the Earl of Grantham's melodramatic household, but I'm sure those squirrelly Crawleys wouldn't have it any other way.

In order to really absorb all the drama of this series, you don't want a fussy meal to distract from whatever hour-long intrigue that's afoot, so I suggest a creamy, rich squash and peanut soup. It's quick, delicious and looks all fancy-like if you garnish it up nicely. I admit, it's nice to have some pre-roasted squash that was frozen and set aside for a rainy day, but if you had a can of plain, unsweetened pumpkin, that would work dandy for this. I had a particular hankering for the spice of curry and the sweetness of peanut butter, so I combined the two in this soup. You can use your favorite curry powder or a small spoonful of curry paste to mix in with your squash puree, a heavy shake of chili or cayenne powder for heat, and about a quarter cup of smooth unsweetened peanut butter. Add in enough chicken or vegetable stock to give it the consistency you want in the soup, and if you have a stick blender, run that through as well, to give it a super-creamy consistency. Season to taste -- add salt and pepper accordingly, and if you want to highlight the sweetness, add a little sugar or honey to it.

My favorite soup topping is pan-fried chickpeas. Simple enough to make -- take a can of well-drained chickpeas and toss lightly with canola oil and some of the curry powder before putting them into a pan heated to medium. They'll sizzle and pop a bit, you just want to cook out as much of the liquid but not burn the beans. They'll get seasoned, smoky and lightly crisped, and be a bit lighter with so much of the water cooked out, so they'll top a thick soup rather nicely.

Downton-Harry Potter meme-osity by the Mister... and crispy chickpeas! - Photos by Wasabi Prime

You know something's good if it's worth doing a meme-mashup. Brock kept saying how the actor that plays the infuriatingly berzerker footman, Thomas, looks a lot like a young Voldemort/Tom Riddle from the Harry Potter movies. It's true! Think about it... Maybe it's the soft, eerily calm voice; the lazy, sociopathic stare when he's speaking with the Upstairs folks, or the fact Thomas just reeks of pure scheming eeeeevil. So, the Mister put together this clever meme, since whenever Thomas shows up in a scene, Brock whispers, "horcrux." I laugh, miss half the dialogue in the scene, and we have to rewind it.

But enough fussing!! Downton's starting -- shhhhhh!!

Mixed Plate: Everything Happens for a Reason, Even Pizza

I shared my mental meanderings over the six-year history of TV series Lost coming to a close earlier this week on my other blog, the Jaunty Magpie, but suffice it to say, I couldn't say for sure just what the eff happened. That being said, I made a pizza, or more to the point, a "Hawaiian" pizza to commemorate several seasons of addictive television and an excuse to carb-out on a Sunday. "Everything happens for a reason," says John Locke. Hell yes. Extra cheese, please.

Hey, baby, what's your number? 4 8 15 16 23 42 - Photo by Wasabi Prime

So I put "Hawaiian" in parenthesis because if this were really a Hawaiian pizza, it'd be covered in slow-roasted pork, slices of Spam, Portuguese sausage, and a number of other mysterious delicious piggy parts with a sprinkling of green onions. I've ranted before and I'll rant again -- just putting pineapple on it doesn't make it Hawaiian. If anything, it just makes something cloyingly sweet with a chance for indigestion later. But this was a special occasion, the ending of one of our favorite TV shows, plus Mr. Wasabi loves pizza with ham and pineapple on it -- a flavor I have come to appreciate in our longterm coupledom. Instead of getting takeout, I went with a homemade pizza dough, deli ham and fresh slices of pineapple. Compromise can be delicious, and as Jack says: "We live together or die alone!" I'm sure this referenced hunger pains for cheesy pizza.

I won't get into the details of the finale. It's way too convoluted and I don't want to make the series seem daunting to those who waited until its end before Netflixing it. Overall, I thought it was fine, and it was a nice finishing touch to several years of very watchable television. Sure, there were plot holes, story imperfections, and there's still a lot of unanswered questions, but I think for the most part, it was a finale that was for the fans, to make people feel like the characters would be ok, in one alternative universe or another. And in a lot of ways, the best part of a beloved show is the subculture that forms in a series' orbit. One of the best things about the Lost finale were the special ads that were interspersed throughout the show, which I think was kinda fun. Too bad Target doesn't sell Apollo Bars.



As a bonus, I finally found the old KFC ad that was made in Hawaii to promote their own local franchise specials, done as a Lost parody. This was made during the first year of the show, and it was funny then and Cluckety-Cluck-Cluck awesome now.