OMG a Recipe (sorta): Piece o' Cake... Well, Not Really

Everyone knows that the only purpose carrot cake has on this planet, is to be a sweet vessel with which to shovel cream cheese icing into one's hungry, gaping maw. Because tucking into a bowl of cream cheese frosting with a giant spoon is considered socially unacceptible. As long as no one catches you, anyways. But I don't want to malign carrot cake -- it has its merits, and with a good recipe from a great cookbook and some patience, you can make a cake worthy of the frosting slathered upon it.

The not-so-easy-bake carrot cake, but well worth it - Photo by Wasabi Prime

It's not the typical sweetheart dessert, but for last week's Valentine-a-palooza, I made carrot cake. No chocolate ganache, thirty-layer crepe cake, gold-flecked ode to love, just a classic carrot cake. It's one of the Mister's favorites and over the last few years, I've grown quite fond of it. I didn't eat a lot of it growing up because it wasn't my mother's favorite thing to make --  mainly because recipes often included raisins and Mama Wasabi ain't having any of that business. No raisins. No celery. Period. End of story. Just one of those odd food dislikes that ends up oh... cursing an entire generation of a family!!! But I'm not bitter, Mom, I take that resentment and tamp it down for a someday appearance on Dr. Phil when I can just completely lose my shiz-nuts on national television. But back to carrot cake -- I also think I was turned off by it at an early age because it's such a popular cake, it's equally popular with being made badly. It's often too sweet with cake and not enough carrot, or the fruit and nut ingredients aren't ground down evenly and it's like eating a mincemeat stew cake. Or it's just flat-out dry and crumbly, which is unacceptible, as the ingredients should ensure it's a Spongebob Squarepants of cakey moist goodness. Disappointment Carrot Cake - begone!

I've found my favorite recipe for carrot cake in The Grand Central Baking Book, pretty much my new baking bible whenever I want to make a good, proper pastry. I've had the book for over two years -- my wonderful Auntie Sharon sent it as a "just because" gift (the best kind!), and it's an incredible cookbook. It's written by the amazing folks from Portland and Seattle's Grand Central Bakery, who share their wizard-like baking knowledge, helpful tips and recipes from their delicious stores. This isn't Tollhouse Cookie quickness, a lot of the recipes can be involved, like if it's a dough that needs proofing or in a situation like baking a cake, you really need a day or two to make it the right way. So, yes, OMG, I used a Recipe, but I'm not sharing it because you really should just get the book or request a copy from your library to give it a look-see. It's worth owning or at least spending a day with, copying recipes for your own collection.

There's a big ol' mess behind making a big ol' cake from scratch - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Why so much effort for one cake, Wasabi? Well, in this case, I actually started prepping a few extra days in advance -- Grand Central's recipe uses fresh pineapple, which I decided to substitute. I already experienced Carbon Footprint Food Guilt over enjoying pineapple from Costa Rica earlier in the month, so I decided to use cranberries soaked in our old friend, Makers Mark Bourbon. One drink for the berries... one drink for me... Maybe the combined carbon footprint of the dried cranberries and liquor totally overshadows one container of fresh Costa Rican pineapple, but whatever, I also had the booze and berries on-hand and thought they'd be fun to use. Bourbon and cranberries -- Go Team All-American! I used about a cup's worth of cranberries and a hefty shot of bourbon to start plumping them up, which took about two or three days to fully absorb every boozy drop. I also added the juice and zest of one lemon to add the acidity and brightness back into the cake, which the pineapple would have normally done. It didn't affect the cake's ability to bake up properly -- with dense cakes that don't require a fluffy, spongey finish, it's easier to fool with subsitutions that have the potential to mess with the chemical balance of more delicate cakes. Don't try this with a chiffon cake, kids.

Overall, yes, it's a bit of a mess to make this cake and you'll be taking over the kitchen for a day, given the many ingredients you'll need -- shredded carrots, toasted walnuts, fresh or dried fruit, two different types of flour, spices, shredded coconut and then the usual prequisite amount of eggs, oil and sugar. Eek, that's a lot of stuff! But that's why the cake is so darn good. The effort is worth it, as you get a really dense, rich and moist cake, with a nice bite to it thanks to all the chunky ingredients. This is where the food processor comes in hand -- makes the shredding of carrots and chopping of walnuts faster and more even.

Cake... with a special boozy guest star, drunk cranberries - Photos by Wasabi Prime

The best part of making a cake is probably the most frustrating, which is icing it. I always make too little, and end up stretching the crumbly frosting so thin over the sides of the cake, it just looks like a haphazard mess and I end up running out to buy an emergency can of premade frosting to hide my sins. And it never patches right. So I made a wicked double batch of cream cheese frosting, which in fact was a cream cheese and chevre frosting -- I used a softened log of goat cheese to help double the recipe, along with the necessary amounts of butter and confectioner's sugar. Don't cringe at the thought of using goat cheese, it's such a versatile ingredient that works for both sweet and savory. It's got a little more of a sour tang to the flavor, but that gets balanced out with sugar -- just add a little more to taste as you're making the frosting if you're worried the frosting will somehow be too "goaty." I whipped up a ridiculous batch of the stuff and began the multi-stepped process of frosting a cake properly.

The many steps towards getting some sugary goo slathered on a cake - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I did the whole nine yards of frosting steps. I baked the two layers of the cake the day before, giving it a full night to cool, ensuring no heat pockets would start melting the frosting. I cut strips of parchment paper to overlap on the cake stand, keeping the glass clean as frosting was glopped all over the cakey surface. I didn't do the crumb layer -- the thin coating of frosting to help keep crumb control down -- I had more than enough frosting to just layer it on, and extra frosting to boot, which I froze. Am hoping it stays stable enough so that I can make some whoopie pies with it later... It wasn't until I was done with the generous but even layer of cheesy sweet frosting that I realized, dang, a white cake is boring as hell. Kind of understates all the work you put into making the thing, so I used some leftover chopped walnuts and slapped them on the sides, which was an absolute righteous mess, I have no idea how the pro's do it with such even layering. But the dessert was made and carefully refrigerated until the om-nom-nomming on February 14th. We're still happily enjoying the leftovers. With every bite, I'm reminded that for all the time it takes to make a proper cake, it's so worth it!

UnRecipe: Yes, Virginia, There Can Be Too Much of a Good Thing

You know you have these mental pictures rolling around in the ol' noggin, culinary creations that combine ingredients and flavors that in theory should work really well? Let's just say those good intentions often lead towards the Dark Side of indulgent culinary desires.

My stomach said yes, but my diastolic BP said hell no - Photo by Wasabi Prime

It was a simple enough notion: let's make a savory cheesecake. Cheese is one of those super-flexible ingredients that can transition from sweet to savory relatively easily, you just have to know which types of cheese works best and ideally, which cheese can play both sides. Cream cheese is most certainly one of them. You use it in the dessert variety of cheesecake, but the flavor is neutral enough to be used in savory applications. By taking a standard cheesecake recipe, omitting the sugar and adding some extra "oomph" of flavor with herbs and crispy pancetta, this notion of a savory cheesecake doesn't sound so bad... right?

To be clear, there wasn't anything wrong with the final product. My main concern was whether or not the cheesecake would set up properly -- technically it's more like a custard, not a cake, given its eggy-creamy batter which doesn't have much flour in it. The final baked good set up just fine. I made a savory crust, using some coarse breadcrumbs, a mix of panko, rye and regular toasted white bread. The crumbles were tossed with melted butter and pressed into a springform pan and baked for a few minutes to set up. The batter was a variation on a basic cheesecake recipe, sans sugar of course, using a mix of cream cheese and softened goat cheese. I mixed in a handful of chopped fresh herbs, mostly parsley, basil and some thyme from the garden. The last item I mixed in was a crumbling of pan-crisped pancetta for a meaty bite. The batter was poured over the crust in the springform pan and placed into the oven set to a low heat. I could have done the water bath, but it was fine, as the crust didn't crack during the bake time. All good in the 'hood so far, right...?

My biggest conundrum was how to serve. I love the ooey-gooey flavor of warm, melty cheese, but the problem with serving a slice of the cheesecake too soon is the fact that the center hasn't set yet, so the slice starts to resemble Jabba the Hut. Waiting for it to cool and set up for perfect slicing means you have chilled cheese -- not a terrible thing, but I wanted warm melty cheese goodness. I Benjamin Button-ed this thing and had it meet in the middle. I let the cake cool in the fridge, but then made a spicy tomato and kalamata olive relish, served hot, poured over the slice. The first bite was like a million flavor explosions went off in my brain. Incredibly rich, velvety-creamy cheesecake, super-savory hits of pancetta, kalamata olives, and the crisp crunch of the crust. It was like staring into the sun. You went blind from the sensory overload. And that's when it kind of hit me -- holy crap, I have the rest of this slice to eat and a whole rest of a cheesecake to finish. Of course, I wouldn't finish it in a single sitting, but knowing that much richness was in my immediate future, it's no wonder my vitals are off the charts. When I die, I won't be buried, I'll be a new fuel source for future generations.

Weapons of mass destruction - Photos by Wasabi Prime

So, what was the end lesson in this UnRecipe? It wasn't a failure, just a misadventure in too much of your favorite stuff is way too much of a good thing, especially if you love fatty cured meats and gooey cheese. I think I would make this again, but in small, bite-sized tart sizes. They would allow for fresh-from-the-oven eating, since as a bite-sized mini tart, you don't have to worry about slice integrity. And I could top with a little shard of pancetta, which would look prettier than the little bits that just got mixed and essentially lost into the batter. So, I consider this a dish something that's still a work in progress -- stay tuned, I'm sure it'll get revisited soon enough!

UnRecipe: The Bay Harbor Beet Butcher

Don't be alarmed. There wasn't much suffering involved. Nary a scream, nor a pitiful whimper for help. Only silence...

Call Dexter, he knows spatter patterns like a mofo - Crime Scene Photo by Wasabi Prime

Scary, isn't it? This is the biggest reason why I don't prepare beets very often. They literally look like bloody effing murder on every prep surface in your kitchen, including your hands (Out, damned spot!). Even when you scrub everything, it just turns the stains Barbie-pink and it winds up looking like you slaughtered Hello Kitty. That's not much of an improvement. I probably should have saved this post for Halloween, it would have been so ghoulishly appropriate. But then it wouldn't have been as seasonally fitting, as this meal was brought to you by the Magical Mystery CSA Tour, and the latest deliveries have been Beet City, USA.

Beet-cheese/cheese-beet; obscure fast food reference attack! - Photo by Wasabi Prime

But really -- look at how a root vegetable murder scene can turn into pure deliciousness? I think it's more about how puffed pastry pretty much makes everything better. It's got that universal "mo' bettah" mojo that bacon has. Bacon fat, butter fat -- put your hands together for a sandwich of awesomeness. Or truly greasy fingers. In this case, the Herbed Cheese and Roasted Beet Tart remained meat-free, and therefore bacon-less, but it was still pretty enjoyable. Who says you have to go without on a Meatless Monday? If it were a Calorie/Fat-less Monday, you'd be doomed, but no one's suggested that dreadful food theme day yet.

So how, exactly did this crazy concoction come about? The CSA delivery box was the spark, I always keep a package of puff pastry in the freezer, and I had fresh herbs and cream cheese at the ready. Shouldn't we all? Mr. Wasabi is not a fan of beets, although he oddly admits to enjoying borscht, which is the soup that takes beets to Eleven. But beets in a non-borscht form usually inspires his scrunched-up five-year-old-face of FAIL. To be honest, I wasn't always a fan of beets either. It's one of those vegetables where you probably had them for the first time in one of their worst possible prep scenarios, like from a can, sitting around way too long on a salad bar line. It's no wonder they get such a bad rep. But I've been thankful to have beets prepared in truly beautiful ways by local chefs -- roasted and paired with creamy goat cheese in salads, pickled and served simply with fresh bread and butter; the farther from fuss, the better. I like how the natural sweetness of beets further intensify when you roast them, plus it makes it easier to remove the tough outer skin. Even if it means your hands will look like you've been fingerpainting using only magenta ink all day.

Dexter is darkly dreaming of beets right now - Photos  of food by Wasabi Prime

The combination of the sweet, butter-soft roasted beets on a layer of melty herbed cream cheese and crispy, flaky puff pastry was pretty heavenly. And likely ruined whatever health benefits beets are supposed to have, but hey, baby steps for this newbie-beet-appreciator. The Dexter reference was just too irresistable, given his character's expertise as a blood spatter specialist. I haven't even seen every episode and we're still stuck on a DVD from season four that has yet to be returned to the Netflix queue, so no spoilers! He may not even be the Bay Harbor Butcher anymore for all I know, but I do have to commend the series for creating one of the most clever opening sequences, with the making of breakfast looking totally terrifying. If you've seen this, you know what food/murder double entendre I speak of! I think that would be a wonderful way to spend a macabre evening -- bloody murder cheesy beet tart while watching Dexter episodes.

It's the Great Pumpkin Cheesecake, Charlie Brown!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve! Are you leaving out can-shaped cranberry sauce and a plate of candied yams for the Great Pumpkin Pie, who flies in to magically defrost the turkey you totally forgot to fridge-thaw three days ago? No...? OK, so that's totally made up, but if you do still have a twenty pound bird trapped in the Ice Age, attempting to thaw in your refrigerator, may the Force be with you, and keep the local pizza parlor on speed dial. If you're feeling the pressure of holiday meals, just focus on the best part: dessert. I was inspired by a recent dual-location pantry raid and put together a Pumpkin Cheesecake with Chocolate Cookie Crust.

Amazing what can come out of random pantry goods - Photo by Wasabi Prime

What's behind pantry number one? I pilfered the remaining box of Jojos from the office snack supply -- Trader Joes' version of Oreos, supposedly made with a slightly less-scary list of ingredients to make the cream filling. There were maybe about a dozen cookies left, the perfect amount for making a crust. Pulverizing them in a plastic bag, they were rendered to a sticky, crumbly mess. The cream filling made for an adequate glue to help press it into the bottom of a parchment paper-lined springform pan.

The second pantry being rummaged through was our own. I found a can of pumpkin puree, and while I'd normally save it for a classic pumpkin pie, I'm taking a stab at pumpkin pie from scratch this year, so no canned goods allowed. I had my vintage copy of the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Cookbook, so I took their classic Motown Philly cheesecake recipe and modified it slightly for the sake of UnRecipe-ness. I used half the amount of cream cheese and added an extra egg, which yielded a more fluffy dessert, and not the typically dense cheesecake consistency. The flavor was light and sweet, and it didn't sink like a stone in one's stomach, but to be honest, I was kind of hoping for a more dessert density.

I'm not listing the modified recipe because I want to test it out again, add the original and frightening amount of cream cheese to get the traditional heavy richness, but with the pumpkin pie flavor. I may add more spices like cinnamon and allspice. As a dessert, the lighter version is perfectly enjoyable -- the team of professional taste testers, aka, my officemates, were kind enough to sample some slices. They were pleased with the result, but to quote the awkward genius of George McFly from Back to the Future: "Lorraine... you are my density... I mean... my DESTINY." I consider this post an unfinished date with density/destiny, and I hope to make this again with greater all-around success.

Until that dessert rematch, best of luck on your own Thanksgiving feasts. Remember to give thanks for the things that really count in life, beyond the perils of a dry overcooked bird. I wish bountiful feasts of goodwill, friends, family, and happy memories for everyone out there. And a slice of pumpkin pie with extra whipped cream, of course. Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, as an extra bonus, I have an announcement to say that foodie-fab blogger and Kreativ Blogger Award-winner, The Hungry Dog, did a "TAG, you're it!" on the Prime for revealing seven facts (foodie and non-foodie alike) about herself. Seven facts! Makes me think of that line from Something About Mary, about the Seven Minute Abs.

Factoid Uno: As a child, I decided I didn't like seafood only because my dad didn't like it. Am working on reversing this logic polarity of dumb-sandwichville.

Fact Part Deux: I am double-jointed and can pick up nickels with my freaky knuckle tendons.

Fact Episode III: I do not know how to ride a bike and will probably not pick up this skill anytime soon, because my motor coordination is EPIC FAIL.

Fantastic Fact 4: I am a sci-fi geek who likes comic books and other nerdy things, but does not play video games. Again, hand-eye-coordination EPIC FAIL.

Facticazzo Five: I find dogs cuter than babies (sorry, little ones -- get a fuzzy face and a wagging tail and maybe we can negotiate something)

Facto Sixo: Telly Monster on Sesame Street annoys the hell out of me. The rest of the Muppets are awesome-sauce, however.

Seven Minute Facts: I could eat potato chips all day, which is why I don't buy them. God help me.

Now comes the fun part - TAG, you're IT: SJBe, South Sound Garden, Tokyo Terrace, Velveeta Ain't Food, Tiny Urban Kitchen, Sense & Serendipity, Radish & Rose.