Mixed Plate: Happy Haunting on Halloween

Have a marvelously spooktacular, sugar-coated, pumpkin-smashingly good Halloween this week. It's a bit of a bummer when All Hallow's Eve falls on the middle of the week, but that doesn't stop anyone from binging on candy corn way back in September, in anticipation for October 31st.  And don't forget to practice your Thriller zombie dance, you never know when a Michael Jackson musical ensemble will happen.

This is a Wasabi-Dials-it-in post because as of this moment, I'm on vacation for a whole freakin' week! I'm leaving the homestead in the Mister and Indy the Pup's capable hands, and running away to Las Vegas, to meet up with the rest of the Wasabi Clan who's flying out from Hawaii, Oregon and even as far as Sweden to celebrate my cousin's birthday. We'll take our family reunion moments where we can get them! I've never been away on Halloween, nor have I been in Las Vegas during Halloween, so I fully expect to see some some crazy-ass crazy during my time on The Ninth Island, as Hawaii-folks lovingly call it.

I don't gamble, but rest assured, I will always bet on Wesley Snipes. I may buffet-it-up once or twice, so keep tabs on my exploits on Twitter. So till we meet again on the bloggosphere (first week of November, no worries), be safe out there, begging for candy like sugar-junkie-hobos and wearing that shirt "This Is My Halloween Costume" for the fifth year in a row. Because that never gets old.

Happy Halloween, Y'all!

Mixed Plate: The Gospel of Breakfast

I hear it time and time again: Breakfast is the Best Meal. And you know what? It's 100% True. You may as well write that into every holy book out there, canonize it for future generations, not that they won't already know and accept this to be the gospel of meal enjoyment. And I know I can say that out loud, into the Bloggosphere, into the Inter-Webs and nary a peep of offense or complaint will surface. Because we know this simple fact to be true. So let us raise our hands and rejoice in the holy celebration that is Breakfast! Hallelujah!!

First there was darkness... then there was breakfast pastries from Essential Baking Co. - Photo by Wasabi Prime

Bring on the poisonous snakes for our ritualistic snake-handling dance and get ready to hurl those crutches aside, brothers and sistahs, it's time to revel in the glory and the power that is Breakfast. I'm not exaggerating on this, breakfast is really that good. I did a whole piece on it for my Sense Memory column for Honest Cooking months ago, and everyone had great reasons to share why breakfast is the bomb-diggety. They included wonderful things like: you can have it 24/7 at a lot of diners, it tastes good any time of the day, it's got the perfect combination of protein, starch and fat, and of course the most important reason -- you can drink in the morning and no one gives you a sidelong glance. It's the only reason Bloody Marys and Mimosas were created, to make morning alcoholism more fashionable. Plus there's fruit and vegetables in it, so it's like a serving of produce, really.

I have to think our idea of breakfast with eggs, bacon and hashbrowns is more of an American thing. I thought about this as I was getting breakfast with a group of friends after a particularly brutal night of Releasing the Kraken -- we all had visions of pile o' food dancing in our alcohol-pummeled heads. Our breakfasts are a distinctive mashup of European styles, English breakfast with French omelets and maybe some German sausage thrown in for good measure -- but it's all over-the-top. Mile-high pancakes covered in fruit, chocolate chips and whipped cream. Gravy piled on biscuits with cheese, egg and a mound of bacon. You never have just one egg, it's always four served at restaurants. Even though it's all one great cholesterol/fat bomb, we love it because it's got all the ingredients and flavors we crave. And it's a savior when you've got a wicked hangover.

Stare long enough, you'll get a sugar high - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Comedian Jim Gaffigan made a funny yet true observation: breakfast is the meal that allows you to have cake first thing in the morning. Don't deny it. A sweet cake full of chocolate chips or fruit is dessert, meant to be had at the end of any other meal, but no one bats an eye when you have that monster-sized chocolate chip or blueberry muffin, topped with sugary-sweet streusel crumbles. Or an icing-topped scone. Or some marvelously flaky, cinnamon-sugar-filled sticky bun covered with currants and chopped nuts. I'm the last person to complain about breakfast pastries, specifically because we're not obligated to call them "sugary sweets for breakfast." I was like a kid given the Golden Ticket to Willy Wonka's mildly disturbing Chocolate Factory when I was blessed with a wealth of pastries from Essential Baking Company. It was a true spoil of baked good riches, mostly breakfast sweets, like scones, muffins and flake pastries, but also their incredible monster-sized cookies, jammy thumbprint cookies and some of their fruit bars. 

I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille... - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Essential Baking Company is one of my favorite bakeries and I don't get to enjoy their marvelous goods nearly as much as I'd like -- and that's to my waistline's benefit, believe me. The fact that they've got a Bellevue cafe set up at the University Bookstore just adds more temptation every time I'm in that neighborhood. Fresh-baked artisan breads, sweet pastries, all the reasons you say Glory Hallelujah for Carbs and give up those supermodel almond-counting dreams. As much as I wanted to eat all my favorites in one sitting, I just saved my absolute favorites and packed the rest off with the Mister, so that he could share the wealth with workmates. I admit, I saved the best ones and hoarded it like Gollum, whispering My Precioussssss.... I gleefully rationed out the flaky butter croissant, cinnamon roll and sugar-dusted almond croissant across a few days, savoring each bite. I rarely have breakfast pastries, mostly because it's not worth the sugar crash and quite frankly, so few bakeries are as good as Essential, but when you get a chance to indulge, they are Top Gun, Best-of-the-Best, and will be your Wingman any breakfast morning. 

Perfect Sunday morning - latte at French Bakery, brunch at Trellis - Photos by Wasabi Prime

What I really love about breakfast is when it gets fancied up and becomes Brunch, which just makes breakfast a real event to soak up those last, precious moments of weekend freedom on a Sunday. I forgot how wonderful a true lazy brunch can be, but got a nice reminder a little while ago when I met some friends on a Sunday morning in Kirkland. We planned to meet up at Trellis, the restaurant below the Heathman Hotel, which has a fantastic breakfast menu full of locally-sourced seasonal goodies. I got there a little early and gave myself a little present of Me Time, getting a creamy latte at the French Bakery across the street. I was tempted to get one of their almond croissants, which is probably my favorite thing at The French Bakery, but knowing a proper brunching was the order of the day, I stuck with the latte, which is honestly a treat all on its own. To sit in a little cafe on a sleepy Sunday morning, sipping a latte while flipping through a magazine, it's a religious experience all its own. Very zen and just appreciating the present. Maybe not as zen as giving up all material possessions, donning a robe and living in an ashram at the top of a mountain for years, but hey, this is 21st Century Zen, complete with a pretty foam drawing. By the time I got to Trellis, I was fully in the mindset to enjoy the morning with friends, have that Bloody Mary, and have a hearty omelet stuffed with goodies like cheese and avocado. And their free mini-doughnuts are a nice touch, too -- cheers to you, Trellis.

The weekend tradition of the Skillet Breakfast - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Most breakfasts for us are enjoyed in our own kitchen. And they're hardly as eventful as a restaurant brunch. It's very low-maintenance, I don't dirty more than one skillet at a time, which is why I tend to call this mish-mash meal our usual Weekend Skillet Breakfast. As long as I have eggs, cheese and milk, I can make something. It's usually chopped up vegetables or leftover meat cooked up in a skillet that gets some eggs mixed with milk poured over it, and then the whole pan goes into the oven. I sprinkle cheese over everything, right before it goes in, and right at the end, I turn on the broiler to give it a quick crispy topping. It's not the prettiest meal in the world, as I can never predict what will show up in the mix, so the ratio of ingredients can be totally off the charts. Many times, it's a Green Eggs and Ham hot mess, because there's a bunch of kale or chard thrown in. But it's tasty, hearty and goes well with coffee as we curl up on the couch, still in our robes, and watch some craptacular television. For us, this is why breakfast at home is a marvelous thing.

The makings of a delicious Breakfast-Monster - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I will try to mix things up now and then -- I had a chance to play around with Demitri's Bloody Mary seasonings and I had a Lightning Bolt moment in my brain: Bloody Mary Breakfast Sandwich! I wasn't necessarily trying to figure out a way to spike a sandwich and get a booze buzz off of it, but I saw the dry Rim Shot seasonings meant to flavor the edge of a Bloody Mary glass and thought that would nicely season some ground pork for a homemade breakfast sausage. A couple of tablespoons will do for a half pound of plain ground pork, letting the flavors soak in overnight before forming small patties to fit in between an English Muffin. I used the Bacon Salt flavored Rim Shot seasoning, so I skipped adding bacon to the sandwiches -- sounds like heresy, I know, but this flavoring had its share of smokiness and I didn't want it to be overwhelming. I did add ham, so there was more Divine Swine added to the sandwich, along with a fried egg and a smear of sun dried tomato pesto, to give a little nod to its Bloody Mary origins. 

The Breakfast Sandwich of Champions, thanks to Demitri's Bloody Mary salts - Photos by Wasabi Prime

A fried egg on a sandwich the size of a burger is great, there should be enough layers and overall surface area to absorb the inevitable yolk runoff. On a breakfast sandwich the size of an English Muffin... not so much. I lost most of the precious liquid gold yolk to the plate, which was easily mopped up with the sandwich, but it was messier than I would have liked. Upon making the Bloody Mary Breakfast Sandwich a few more times, I cooked the egg yolk to a more solid, pudding-like thickness, so its texture could be enjoyed with the sandwich itself. There's really no science or recipe-magic to any of this, the main thing is making your own breakfast sausage patty by seasoning it with whatever marvelous flavors you can find. I heartily enjoyed this cocktail-inspired sandwich for Brinner, aka, Breakfast for Dinner, several nights in a row.

Baby quiche-cakes - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Breakfast inspires innovation, from cocktail sandwiches to individual hand-held quiches. The cupcake craze has resulted in all of us owning our share of cupcake tins. I have three different sizes: little bitty appetizer-sized tins, average just-right size, and Texas-sized muffin pans. These things have been dying to be used because no one wants cupcakes anymore, they're so sick of 'em. I was going to a brunch party at a friend's house and wanted to bring something easy to eat. This was also a housewarming gathering, so I didn't want to assume everything was unpacked. It wasn't a pastry-eating group, so I couldn't hit the Doughnut Button. I decided on little vegetable and cheese quiches, baked in cupcake tins for convenient pre-portioned eating; no nuts or gluten to keep it allergy-friendly and no meat in case there were vegetarians. All the food bases were covered. Everything worked out well -- I had eggs, a fresh bunch of chard, a mix of Parmesan and cream cheese to make it savory and creamy. The only hitch was I should have used muffin tin liners. Even if the quiches looked like weird, flat cupcakes in the liners, it would have kept me from soaking and scraping that damn cupcake tin fifty times, just to get all the little bits of egg off of it. Even with a spray of cooking oil, the egg stuck to the metal like glue. I was able to get the quiches out with a bit of finessing, but the eggy residue was like drywall spackle on that tin. Lesson learned, and let it be a lesson to you out there -- muffin tin liners ARE YOUR FRIEND.

Cheers to Breakfasts of all sorts, the meal you cannot judge, even with a bottle of bourbon - Photos by Wasabi Prime

So to sum up this Breakfast Bohemian Rhapsody, it is the ideal meal for any situation, be it festive, humbly prepared at home, or a food intervention after drinking your weight in boozeahol. I love how it's the Little Black Dress that fits for any occasion, can be enjoyed day or night, and that a lot of diners all over the country recognize this appreciation for the Perfect Meal, serving it every hour of the day, with love, honor and respect. So raise them hashbrowns high and praise them over-easy eggs -- Hallelujah for Breakfast!

UnRecipe: Meatball Ballad - Meatballad?

There's always food trends and crazes afoot, and I would argue there's a thin strand of logic that connects several of them. I'm somewhat convinced, like some Biblical genealogy, through the massive popularity of St. Cupcake of the Holy Sugar-Sprinkled Spirit, which begat Cake Pops, which through a second cousin once-removed begat the Meatball Craze. I'm pretty sure somewhere between Cupcake and Cake Pop, a litter of Old Fashioned Doughnuts showed up. Amen. I think when the pendulum swings towards the Bizarro World of packing Cake Spam into a sphere, covering it with an inch of frosting and jamming a stick through its bottom, the trend swings back towards more sensible familiarity and we embrace spherical food that's more meatball than goofball.

On top of spa-ghe-tti....all covered with cheeeeese.... I managed to not lose my meatball - Photo by Wasabi Prime

Food trends are as cyclical as the fascination with round balls o' meat that's been going on for over a year, I'd say. But since it's hard to think about making a rich, heavy meal in the heat of summer, I'm definitely seeing more "easy meatball" recipes in all the magazines, to the point where I grow weary and full of Meatball Fury, wanting more challenging things. My recent issue of St. Martha of the Holy Stewart's Everyday Food magazine had a whole section devoted to meatballs -- like, three or four different recipes! When I flipped to that section, even I had to take the name of Martha in vain and say, Martha Focker, what are you thinking?  Initially, I thought, Where's the variety? You can do a million things with ground meat? Why follow such an overdone trend, and so late in the season, at that??  (breeeeathe)

The Hatorade Rant in my braincapsule promptly ended when I looked at my own disaster-area excuse of a weekly planner. Scribbled notes crossed out, then re-circled, as if to signal in some secret code that no, that deadline still stands, and it was due yesterday. Blerg. And lately there's been more than a few days that dragged into 2am nights, finishing a project so that I could save time for an extra project that suddenly popped up unexpectedly, that will be due at 10am the next morning. You know this Freelance Dance that I speak of, and anyone who's juggling work with a family and home life can also shout an, Amen! to that. So when I have the odd moment to peer glassy-eyed at whatever Mr. Postman has delivered to my hobbit-hovel, I may yearn for fancier fare in theory, but simple-to-prepare humble comforts are what I really need.

So in reality, meatballs kind of save the day. You can make them with any type of ground meat -- even no meat! I've done a vegetarian version with smashed beans, cooked quinoa and an egg to bind, but you could probably replace the egg with some sticky, short-grain rice to give it a vegan-friendly binder. They can be baked, pan-seared, fried or boiled. The seasoning can vary -- Italian, Asian, Spanish, Greek, anything your worldly wanderlust appetite desires. One Friday evening, I saw no less than three different mentions over Twitter from people in different states, all making spaghetti and meatballs, I'm assuming for the same reason -- a long week finally come to an end, they wanted something familiar and hearty. It made me think back to the last time I made spaghetti and meatballs, and it was for that same reason. It wasn't fussy, it can be prepared easily from scratch, and there's something about this totally Americanized dish that feels like home.

Giant turkey meatballs, with or without spaghetti, plenty tasty - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I made giant turkey meatballs. I mean, seriously, they were huge, the size that could split a planet in two if Bruce Willis and his team of roughnecks can't land the space ship on it in time to shove a nuke in it. But the benefit of large balls (heh heh) is that it's less time forming them, especially if they're going to finish cooking in a sauce, which will ensure more gentle cooking. I know a mixture of pork, veal and beef are ideal, but I like ground turkey, as it seems to stay tender and I don't get the rubber ball toughness if it's overcooked. In a basic tomato sauce of canned tomatoes with a ton of garlic, oregano and red pepper flakes (I like spicy tomato sauce), the meatballs braise away. I usually like to give the surface an all-around sear, and build the sauce on the pan drippings before the meatballs finish cooking in the sauce. Many people prefer baking, which is great for large batches that won't all fit in a pot. Regardless of method, this is was a good reminder why the meatball craze is not without merit. Even when you're tired, you can mix some ground meat together with seasonings and form a few meteor-sized meat-spheres and let the stove do the work. And the result is nothing less than satisfying.

I turned to The Power of Meatballs when I had a surplus of tomatoes at varying degrees of overripeness. You've run into this before -- everyone brings stuff from their gardens or something wonderful from the farmers market to a barbecue, but then you're stuck with all these leftovers. The tomatoes had beautiful color, but rapidly softening -- into a sauce they went! A grilling surplus of orphan hot dog buns (arrrg, damn you Atkins no-bun hot dog eaters! Oh, who am I kidding, I'm one of those douches too.) resulted in a few days of meatball sandwiches. I don't understand the notion of meatball sliders -- a tall, round burger between a bun just seems like a recipe for lockjaw. But meatball sandwiches done sub/hoagie-style, that's more bite-friendly. Either making smaller meatballs or splitting them before adding them into the bread helps for easier eating and optimal surface area for topping with extra sauce and cheese. See, there's a science to eating meatballs! It was less about epic blog food, and more about making sure random leftovers didn't go to waste, but just like with an overstuffed schedule, Meatballs Are My Hero.

Meatballs saving the day, yet again - Photos by Wasabi Prime

OMG a Recipe: Meatless... Wednesday?

Happy Meatless Wednesday! Doesn't quite have the same ring to it as Meatless Monday, does it?  Of course, the point is not to embrace vegetarianism specifically for Monday, but to pick at least one day out of the week to eat your greens and curb your animal consumption. And it's not just for consideration for food with a face, but on a larger planetary scale, given the fact that livestock requires a considerable amount of resources, something we all agree are in finite supply. By cutting back the demand, it reduces not only the draw on the planet's resources, it makes makes the notion of smaller farms a more attainable goal, so that when we do eat meat, they're raised in better, healthier conditions, which positively affects the eater, ie, us. This isn't some pie-in-the-sky, hippie-dippy idea, it's sound advice to consider, but the reason I'm doing a Meatless Wednesday post is because I think the key to any goal-oriented diet is very simple: Planning. So note to self: you have several days to get inspired over what you'll be eating this upcoming Monday, and I hope this is it!

The delicious meal where you won't miss a thing, especially flavor - Photo by Wasabi Prime

Vegetarian isn't a bad word, despite Anthony Bourdain's railings, rants and wailings. Agreed, I'm not going to just sit in an ashram and eat birdseed until I stumble upon Nirvana or the blood sugar crash of the century, but I don't see any issue with choosing ingredients for a meal that didn't once roam or swim the earth, prior to making its way into my kitchen. I'm the first person to say we were inducted into the Cult of High Protein Diets, where if there wasn't something meaty on the plate, it wasn't something worth eating. But one can't subsist on bacon and steaks alone, sorry to burst your Man-Dream Bubble. I will say embracing a love of eating meat and making it a point to get more protein in my diet was a good thing -- if anything, I learned how unbalanced my meals were, prior to the change, having meals of too much refined carbohydrates like pasta and bread. But a pendulum swings both ways -- I've had meals where you're in a food coma, stricken with the dreaded meat-sweats, wondering why your pores are weeping bacon grease. Middle ground, let's find that, shall we? 

Going meatless for one day out of the week isn't such a chore -- you've probably done it many times, just not realizing it. Some oatmeal for breakfast, a simple salad for lunch and maybe a cheese pizza or grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup for dinner -- not a face on any of those foods. Granted, not vegan, but nobody's perfect. The biggest challenge for going meatless is choosing the right balance of ingredients so you're not just eating grilled cheese sandwiches and French fries, as tempting as that sounds. I've been relying on beans and whole grains like quinoa and pearled barley. I've pretty much changed over to brown rice, only getting short grain white rice once in a while if I'm making the marvelous thing that is Spam Musubi -- gotta have sticky rice. The problem with a lot of classic American and European dishes is that they're built on the notion of an omnivorous meal.  By taking out the meat, you cripple the dish considerably -- roast chicken and vegetables is a little lackluster with just roasted vegetables. So I get inspiration from other places, specifically Indian, Mediterranean and Middle Eastern cuisine. Indian food, especially, as vegetarianism is a way of life, and their dishes are so rich with flavor and spices, you could put cardboard in a marvelous curry sauce and it would taste like a dream. Mediterranean and Middle Eastern cuisine is similar in that their seasonings are intense and they use a lot of citrus and garlic to heighten flavors. The enjoyment of a meal is not focused solely on the ingredient, but how it's prepared and the way flavors are manipulated.

Don't fear your vegetables, they are your friends! - Photos by Wasabi Prime

So this led to my Marvelous Meatless Monday Meal that I'm Sharing on a Wednesday: chickpea and quinoa patties topped with a minted yogurt and cucumber sauce, served with salad greens and toasted pearl barley mixed with roasted vegetables. This is not the sadface herbed pasta primavera that gets served to the one vegetarian from standard restaurant menus. This is the dish you want to eat, you crave it because of what it is, and not what it's missing.

The "meat" of the dish is of course the chickpea and quinoa patties, inspired by falafel, a traditional Middle Eastern style of chickpea or bean-based fritter. This version is fairly simple, with the addition of quinoa to add more protein and a nice bite, as chickpeas can be quite creamy when mashed. I used some cornmeal as well, mostly for added texture, plus it gives it a little sweetness as well. I used an egg to bind, but if you're making this vegan-friendly, consider adding a little tahini paste to help tighten the mix and make it easier to form into their shape. I made these as little patties, versus little round meatballs. It's easier to pan-fry and they cook faster with the widened surface area. I topped them with plain yogurt mixed with citrus zest and juice, chopped cucumber and shredded mint, but the patties are delicious on their own, you don't really need anything, as I was snacking on them plain, without complaint.

Chickpeas, quinoa and seasonings ready for HULK SMASH - Photo by Wasabi Prime

The side dish of toasted barley with roasted vegetables was inspired by a One Night Only Dinner with Chef Josh Henderson, where barley was cooked, and then toasted in the oven to give it a little extra crunch. That was a great touch, and the method stayed fully locked in my mind. I roasted a mix of vegetables -- squash, broccoli, whatever I had available. I cooked the barley on the stovetop and let it cool and chill before spreading it on a baking sheet and letting the broiler crisp it up a little. I put everything together with a light drizzle of olive oil and some salt and pepper. Very simple, the seasonings can vary, as can the vegetables, but the key was the cooked and toasted barley. It's a more nutrient-rich alternative to pasta and it will give you that sated, full feeling more than brown rice. I admit, I was never much of a barley-eater, it was something I'd find in soups or stews as a filler, but it's really delicious as a side dish, and the way its texture can be played with, it makes for a fun ingredient to work with.

Celebrate the season and try new ingredients you've never used before - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I'm sharing the chickpea fritter recipe, as the barley and yogurt sauce are pretty self-explanatory -- when you buy barley in a bag, it will come with basic cooking ingredients, and I trust you to figure out which vegetables you wish to roast. This should be a dish of your favorite vegetables so that you get excited about this meal and not feel like it's your civic responsibility. It's dinner, not jury duty.

Chickpea and Quinoa Fritters
(servings vary on how large or small you want to make 'em)

Ingredients
1 can of chickpeas (15 oz)
1 cup of cooked quinoa (follow the preparation on the box or bag)
2 tablespoons of cornmeal
2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
1 whole egg
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
vegetable oil to pan-fry

(Optional seasonings to add - if you don't have them, it's fine to leave out)
2 teaspoons dried dill
1 teaspoon dried mint
1 teaspoon sumac
1 teaspoon turmeric (mostly for color - gives it a nice golden color)

Take all ingredients and mash in a bowl - a potato masher works well to crush the chickpeas into a soft paste. Once mashed, place in refrigerator to cool and set for at least an hour.Take the mixture and separate into the portion size you want and form into patties.

When ready to cook, take a large frying pan, preheat it to medium and drizzle the bottom with a tablespoon or two of vegetable oil to coat. Carefully place the formed patties into the oil, and cook in batches so that the pan isn't overcrowded. The medium heat will give the patties a nice, crispy outer toasting and gently cook the inside, but not burn the patties. You want a nice crust, which will help keep the patty shape, as it will still be more delicate than a meat patty. Cook on both sides and set finished patties on paper towels to drain before serving. 

They can be served with a yogurt sauce or enjoyed on their own. If made into larger patties, they can be a vegetarian option for a hamburger.

FoodTrek: FEAST (before famine)

I'm pretty sure my going-out habits are like a version of social anorexia/bulemia. And I'm not downplaying the seriousness of eating disorders, they are serious and not to be joked around with, unless you're a witty writer on Arrested Development, then nothing is sacred.  I'm  just saying it's literally Feast and Famine when it comes to my penchant for restaurant-going and cocktail-ing. The month of October has had me on steady 12-16 hour days, 1 day of a Cheeto-binge meltdown of despair, questionable weekends (minus one joyous Oktoberfest, praise the Beer Gods), and me checking off the "bathing optional" box. But at least the month of September was super-duper fun. And the Cheeto binge was so totally worth it - Prozac in a bag, yo.

This is usually meant for AFTER a long day, I had it before stuff went sideways - Photo by Wasabi Prime

 It's called "work" for a reason. Otherwise we'd call it something more pleasant, like "fun," or "sleeping more than 4 hours a night." It's not important what I was working on, simply that we've all been in those situations where for whatever reason, you can't climb over the mountain, you just have to dig through it with a rusty teaspoon, and it was a reminder over why I'd sooner become a hobo than return to Corporate America. I was prepared for a Month of Crazy, and so while I had the energy to do so, I did a Leaving Las Vegas/Dead Wasabi Walking whirlwind for a month, catching up with friends, heading to favorite places and just enjoying what was left of the amazing Global-Warming-is-Upon-Us extended summer. I hate the word Staycation, because it makes you sound like the person who insists on calling appetizers "apps" or says "chillaxin" without even a hint of douchey self-awareness -- but that's essentially what this month-long restaurant/cocktail tour was. It was a genuine treat, I can't even begin to describe how happy I was, and it was all thanks to the good friends and marvelous places we visited, right in our own city.

My ideal summer afternoon, including an awesome photo-bomb at Local 360 - Photos by Wasabi Prime

When people visit Seattle and they want a recommendation for a genuine Northwest food experience, I always tell them: get thee to Local 360. The concept is fantastic, they source as much of their menu as possible from local producers and farmers within a 360-mile radius. And why shouldn't they -- the Pacific Northwest region is bountiful and all that rain helps things grow. The menu changes regularly with the seasons, you can skip the standard menu altogether and just order whatever is on their fresh sheet, and you'll be eating peak-seasonal meals. On my last visit, I kept to liquids versus solids -- their bar has a ton of locally produced spirits. I went with an Old Mischievous Ways, which was like an Old Fashioned on summer break, named aptly for the Fremont Mischief John Jacob rye whiskey they use, along with a spiced simple syrup. I went lighter, trying their take on the classic French 75 - the NW 75, a mix of Voyager Gin from Pacific Distillery in Woodinville, fresh lemon, geranium liqueur and sparkling wine. The rose geranium liqueur is by BroVo, a distillery from Washington I'd never heard of until now, but was quickly charmed by its delicate floral flavor. It reminded me of the St. Germain elderflower liqueur that became very en vogue with cocktail-making. Once my St. Germain is gone, I'm switching to BroVo. The flavor isn't exactly the same, but that fragrant essence is similar, and it's always great to support your local distilleries. They help keep the bad days away, as does Local 360's awesome bartenders. Note to self: totally doing the local liquor flights the next time I Unleash the Kraken at 360 - consider yourself warned.

Delicious nibbles and the most heavenly cracklins (that aren't really cracklins) at  Coterie Room - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I saved my appetite for The Coterie Room, a mere sneeze away from Local 360. It was my first visit to Coterie, but not to the location -- they took over the old Restaurant Zoe space, which is a really pretty little jewelbox corner spot in the Belltown neighborhood. My friend insisted we go for the cracklins. I know, it sounds crazy -- go to this fancy-schmancy darling restaurant and order... fried pork rinds?? But oh these crispy, melt-in-your-mouth creations of Divine Swine! We sat at the little bar, which you should all know, is the ideal place to be at any restaurant -- and not just for the easy access to booze. We chatted with the bartender who was full of menu recommendations and interesting wines to try. He explained why the cracklins aren't even really cracklins -- it's pure pork fat suspended in a tapioca starch mixture, which is then left to set and thin shavings are made from the block, and that's the "skins" that are fried. The tapioca mixture allows it to puff up and crisp like a traditional pork rind, and the flavor is pure, buttery pork fat that if you let a bit of it sit on your tongue, it completely melts down into a bacon-y whisper. I don't need to live forever. I don't want to live forever. I want to be a rockstar young corpse from overdosing on these faux pork rinds. But not before more snacks. Chickpeas/garbanzo bean fries are like the new polenta fries. And I heartily welcome this trend. Imagine fried hummus -- creamy and sweet with a velvety smooth texture. And also three times hotter than the sun's surface, so bite cautiously, but you will be rewarded. We rounded out our dinner of little plates with Coterie's steak tartare. You can't beat a classic, especially at a McCracken and Tough restaurant, as they put such high standards on ingredients and preparation. You could hear the cow mooing, the beef was so fresh. It had the right balance of clean-flavored raw meat, like tuna done sashimi style, seasoned enough to where you savor it but you don't feel like the beef's natural raw flavor is hidden. It took me a while to appreciate raw foods -- I was the hot dog and scrambled egg kid, remember? But it's like a drug, once you get that first good high of something prepared very well, you're always on the lookout for the next flavor hit.

Diving in at Blueacre's oyster happy hour - and oh, crab and shrimp tater tots? Yes, please - Photos by Wasabi Prime

My other raw food addiction has become oysters. This mystifies my parents, and rightfully so, given our no-seafood household. But one never questions how one gets to be a shellfish-addled addict, it's just a thing that happens and you're left to wander the streets, a glazed-over look on your face, stalking whatever bivalve you can get your tweeker hands on. For an oyster fix, Blueacre Seafood will be your Dr. Feelgood, especially at happy hour. It's whatever seasonal oyster they have on-hand, a dollar each, and it's shucking awesome. Yes, you could go to some sports bar and get a monster pile of nachos covered with cheese that came out of a jar for like, $3 at happy hour, but honestly -- why would you? That beautiful, saline-fresh flavor of a just-cracked open oyster -- it goes as well with a glass of bubbly or a cold beer, and they're surprisingly filling. It's a pretty good protein base, so I admit, I'll usually have a few oysters if I'm planning on making a night of things. Still not sold on raw creatures of the sea? No worries, have some spicy crab and shrimp tater tots. Of course I had to order them! They were on their happy hour menu, but I'd have an entree-sized pile of these if I could. Imagine if a tender crab and shrimp dumpling made sweet, sweet love to a crispy potato tater tot. This would be their delightful offspring. I don't need to say anything more than that, because I'm sure you're heading out the door right now to have some of these, and don't forget to get some oysters along with it!

Koral and my un-model-like meal for Fashion Week in Bellevue - Photos by Wasabi Prime

My usual happy hour oyster fix when I'm on the Eastside is over at Koral - they have a great happy hour menu that includes a Buffalo Trace Manhattan,which I enjoy frequently. For a while they had oysters, but it's a seasonal item, and they change their menu items up a bit. I was in downtown Bellevue almost every night during this year's Fashion Week, taking runway photos. That was actually a good reason to stay up super late, not so much partying like a rock star, but shuffling home and editing tons of runway photos every night. If you want to take a peek on my Jaunty Magpie blog, I shot the Independent Show, Nordstrom Show and Front Row. I always wonder why I do this every year, the schedule can be pretty exhausting, but when you're in the madness of the crowd, the music, and the models strutting their stuff, the excitement and energy is as much of a drug as oysters and raw steak. It's also fun to visit favorite spots for a bite to eat before the shows. Koral, of course, since it's right in the Hyatt where the runway shows are -- no oysters on this visit, but they had some thick-cut truffle salt Parmesan fries that were calling my name in a most un-fashion model-like way. I had the voice of Emily Blunt's character from The Devil  Wears Prada screaming in my head, "...And you eat CARBS!!!"

Korean comforts at Chan in Seattle, and delicious morsels from the sea at Black Bottle Postern - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I also put in some quality time at Black Bottle Postern's bar, waiting for a fashion show to start. I purposely went extra early to just soak in an extra hour or two of just being a barfly. But a well-heeled one -- I had a new dress and a big sparkly necklace on, I was fancy, dammit. It's not weird to eat and drink by yourself because you can order the dishes you love and don't have to share with anyone. This logic is sound. I chose gluttony as my sin that day and got their crispy salt and pepper squid, and the spicy, smoky Manila clams and chorizo. Sharing might be caring, but I was looking out for Numero Uno that day because I was starving like a model and those nine almonds just weren't going to cover their bases for a long day.

The power of Mine, All Mine! was with me when I had a strong hankering for Korean food one chilly afternoon. I appreciate the new interpretations Chan does, like with their bulgogi sliders or even their cocktails, but that evening, I wanted their skillet bi bim bap. It's a great combination of a classic dish and using a small cast-iron skillet like the hot stone grills some Korean restaurants use. The food comes blazing hot, which is good if you're relaxing with a glass of wine and a kimchee sampler. I really like their daikon kimchee -- it's slightly sweet, I almost thought maybe it was pickled apples or something crazy like that. The heat and flavor are more traditional, not the more Japanese-style vinegar-pickled versions of kimchee you get bottled at the stores. It's got a deeper flavor from shrimp paste and the Korean chilis are like Szechuan peppercorns, a smoky, slow heat that builds as you eat. Total flavor and sensory experience in one meal, my stomach grumbles as I write this, disappointed we're not eating sizzling skillet bi bim bap with kimchee right now.

Closing out the night at Vessel, my new favorite thing to do - Photos by Wasabi Prime

It feels strange to finish off a long night with cocktails, but I've happily enjoyed many evenings getting wrapped up with a drink or two at Vessel. They're in a great spot, right in the heart of downtown Seattle, on the corner of Olive and 7th. It's so close to where the Mister works, the next time I get a spare moment, I'll meet him for a post-work drink. Any excuse to let the bartenders take control and make something amazing, plus have you heard of foie gras popcorn? Because butter is so middle class. Of the last few visits, I've only ordered one drink off the menu, everything else I said, mix up something fun. This is definitely the bar to give whoever's at the rail carte blanche for what you should be drinking that night,  you won't be disappointed. I've been sticking to whiskey-based drinks, but one night I had a Scotch-based cocktail that was incredibly smoky and hearty. It was like Chuck Norris in a glass, it was so manly. And twice as likely to beat the crap out of you, so just one was enough. I like that the bar menu gets changed out based on whoever is working that night, so when you go, you'll see a person's name at the top of the bar menu pages, showing who designed those drinks for the evening. It's like a restaurant, except that instead one chef, you have many. I need to get over to Vessel during the day -- it's not a vampire, this bar and restaurant comes out in the sun and offers a full lunch menu during the weekdays - Chef Cameo McRoberts is at the helm of their very cool open kitchen space, and the menu deserves a proper taste-through.

So, despite my current overworked/under-bathed status, I was, indeed, a Real Girl during the month of  September, enjoying fashion shows, sipping cocktails and knocking back oysters all over town. With any luck, I'll be a girl-about-town again soon, but until then, I'll look dreamily at these photos and remember fondly that thing called a social life.... and maybe play some Barbara Streisand "Memories" a la The Way We Were. 

FoodTrek: Releasing the Kraken at Rocktoberfest

The day before I left for Oktoberfest in Leavenworth, I had Liam Neeson in my head, a la Zeus, from that moderately amusing remake of a much better classic Ray Harryhausen stop-action-animation masterpiece, Clash of the Titans, shouting, RELEASE THE KRAKEN!  An Irishman being a Greek god, dressed in an impossibly shiny silver suit of armor, was on constant loop as my mental meme prefunc before I partook of my very Festing-of-Oktober. My First Oktoberfest, if you can believe it. Because nobody puts Baby in a corner, not where there's this much public drunkenness to be had.

It's 11pm, Do You Know How Drunk Your Children Are? - Photo by Wasabi Prime

To be clear, this is Leavenworth the faux-Bavarian-themed town in Washington, not the medium security federal prison in Kansas. Although I would argue that the quaint Leavenworth village is chock-full of as many police and private security for the next few weekends as the eponymous prison. This past weekend was Day One of the Zombie Beer Apocalypse, there's two weekends left, the 12-13th and 19-20th. The Leavenworth Oktoberfest has been festing-it since 1998, having their distinctively European-themed village raise a beer stein to its Munich origins and celebrating this annual European tradition which has been festing-it for a considerably longer time -- try 1810. A group of our friends have been making the trek to Leavenworth's Oktoberfest somewhere in between 1810 and 2012, probably the last two or three years, and this was the first year I was able to make it. Prost!

Beyond boot-shaped steins and beer mugs the size of your head, Leavenworth is a bizarre and marvelous place. You drive through beautiful evergreen-topped mountains made extra-splendid with the autumn colors starting to come in, you notice building rooftops starting to become more Alpine chalet-angled, and suddenly you find yourself in an oddly Disneyland-like place. The buildings resemble a picturesque Bavarian village and  almost every wall has hand-painted murals of lederhosened lads and dirndl-wearing ladies. There's a city ordinance requiring all businesses to Bavarianize their signage and building storefront design -- even big-business companies like Starbucks, Safeway, McDonalds and Union 76 gas stations all have to comply. It's the one place that if you were a specialty muralist or sign-painter, you would be flush with business, year-round.

Bavarian Sign-Spotting at Leavenworth's Oktoberfest - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Despite Leavenworth's themepark-like look, it's a beautiful place. Surrounded by evergreen-topped peaks and great rivers for rafting and rock formations for climbing, it's a haven for outdoor activities during the summer. I've spent non-festival time here as a lunch stop on the way to a campground or resting a night after a long day on the water. The village has cute stores full of little treasures, either inspired by or imported from Germany and plenty of things visitors love, like little wine shops with tasting bars, and boutiques clearly marketed towards female consumers, since they know the fellas will likely be off drinking beer. It's a clever town, this Leavenworth. One of the must-visit shops is Cured. On the first floor and owned by the Italian restaurant, Visconti's, Cured is a charcuterie, sausage and pickled-everything treasure. They make their own dry-aged salumi, including Soppressata Cotto, Vanetta, Smoked Paprika, Cervalot, and Felino, among others. They do their own sausages, which are sold fresh at their shop or cooked-up in their next-door Cured Sausage Garden area, where you can try their traditional bratwurst, bockwurst, currywurst, and a few vegetarian sausages as well.

Head to Cured, dry-aged meat heaven - Photos by Wasabi Prime

The company I travel in is a protein-hungry group, so Cured is like their Meat Nirvana. Dry-aged meat sticks that are way fancier than snapping into a SlimJim, and incredibly tender beef jerky was picked up as beer-fortification for the first night of Festing. We hovered around Cured, migrating to their Sausage Garden for dinner to partake of their meats. (Insert joke here) I had my first beer at their sausage garden, a basic Oktoberfest beer, which is nice and light, perfect to go with hearty food. I got one of their currywurst, a pork sausage seasoned with curry and tomato, making it a little on the sweet side, and a little fragrant from the curry's mix. My mindgrape was fully blown by the giant table of condiments -- there were half a dozen different mustards: traditional with the whole seeds, spicy, and some funky flavors like a pineapple mustard. I felt like I had won the Condiment Lottery, and like all lottery winners, I made hasty, binge-like decisions. That poor currywurst didn't know what hit it, but despite the avalanche of toppings, Cured has by far The Best Sausage Place for Oktoberfest in Leavenworth. And of course there was sauerkraut, which also makes Oktoberfest the unofficial Digestion Challenge Festival. The running joke throughout Oktoberfest was the growing food/beer babies we were all carrying, which I'm sure had a lot to do with a lowered tolerance for gluten, thanks to a protein-heavy diet. While no one had any allergies, this whole weekend of carbohydrate-laden food combined with an overabundance of beer and sauerkraut led to Octomom-sized bellies ready to burst. Note to self: prep the week before Oktoberfest with some Hefeweizen and bring a lot of antacid.

An indulgence of food riches and the Beer Baby we all became inevitably pregnant with - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Our main beer spot was scouted the year before by my travelmates -- given the huge crowds for the main Oktoberfest tents and halls, it's nice to have a beer or twelve in a smaller beer garden without losing your voice, trying to shout over the noise to the person sitting next to you. I give to you, der Hinterhof Leavenworth Beer Garden, the unofficial "Rocktoberfest" alternative to the main tents, located amusingly enough within strolling distance of the local medical center, on 9th Street, right next to The Adventure Inn hotel. Reasons this place is awesome: more interesting/better/local beers than the typical Oktoberfest offerings (and more kind to the wallet), it's dog-friendly, there's always live music but it's not ear-splitting loud or pure polka, they take their beer pong deadly serious, and there's a dude named Teague who has the most epic mullet and bacon shirt-tuxedo in the known universe and he will school your ass at Trivia Pursuit. I could see myself spending a few obligatory hours in the main Oktoberfest tents, but let's just say if I managed to stay happily buzzed at der Hinterhof for the duration of a festival weekend, I will not be sad. One thing to remember -- bring a heavy coat. During the day, the weather was beautiful and even sunscreen-worthy if you're not under their tents, but at night, the temperature dropped as fast as a prom dress and we were wondering if mulled beer could ever be a thing, so remember fortune and drunkenness favors the prepared having winter coats. I'm already hatching a plan for next year, seeing if we can bring Indy with us, as I was on such fuzzy dog withdrawal, especially with all the other adorable dogs at this beer garden, including  Napoleon, the Newfoundland wearing the Drool is Cool barrel collar.

Wilkommen to der Hinterhof - you may never leave this awesome place for the official tents - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I'm not dissing the main Oktoberfest beer garden tents, as that is truly a sight to behold. With the costumes that go beyond typical traditional wear, the best way to describe it on a Saturday night is Carnivale. It's a lot more line-waiting, but with enough beers, that stick up your ass that's normally there any other time of the week is magically gone, and you just make a lot of new friends and giggle nonstop at all the funny hats people are wearing. That experience was saved for our last night, which I was glad we rested-up for with naps (because we are not all 20-somethings anymore) and heavily fortified ourselves with pizza, bacon and steak beforehand. Oh, the indigestion! Oh, the glory! Oh, the humanity!!

Saturday Night Kraken Fever at Oktoberfest - Photos by Wasabi Prime

My takeaway from the big night in the Oktoberfest tents was this: get a monster-sized glass stein only if you're wanting to lug that thing everywhere and babysit it like, well, a beer-baby. Towards the end of the night, table bussers were pulling everything, including unattended mugs, so kiss that $12 goodbye. And the pourers can't fill the mugs directly, which I know sounds crazy. Thank Washington State alcohol laws that continue to abandon logic and reason. You buy tickets, which you then trade in for food, beer or souvenirs -- makes sense for quick transactions, I love it. However the logic train ends there, because to fill one of those monster mugs, it takes about three or four regular pours of beer, but the catch is that they'll only serve two beers per person at a single time. So you need a table home-base where someone can watch your empty mug while you make two trips in a long line to get the four beers that will fill your giant souvenir mug. Got that? Needless to say I did not get a mug, nor will I for any future Oktoberfests, that's just too much fuss when I'm perfectly happy nursing a single beer at a time. It wasn't a dealbreaker, everyone in our group were old pro's at this beer line game, so we stuck with tents that had seating and people went in shifts to beerify. I was happily buzzed, amused by music that was a weird mix of polka-swing, polka-funk and traditional polka, depending on the bands who were playing. Judging from the funny drawing a friend sent, my Unleashing of the Kraken was fairly pleasant and uneventful.

The Mister mugs for the camera and shows off his pin collection - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Also, what-the-what, the Oktoberfest people were herding everyone out of the main tents by 10:30, if you can believe it. Not that I was looking to fully poison my liver that Saturday, but they were on heavy crowd control alert, herding people from tents to consolidate, and pulling the party ripcord fairly early. Granted, they had already had a full night of several crowd incidents that I totally missed out on. Pantsless women? Fist-swinging drunkards with viking helmets? Curses, I miss all the good stuff. We of course wound up back at der Hinterhof and then eventually back at the condo we were all staying in, which kept the Festing going till about 3. Which leads me to another must-do for Oktoberfest: Stay In Town. Walking distance to the main village is key, for ease of access and just safety as a whole -- hide your car keys for an Oktoberfest weekend, don't be stupid. Sure, it might seem tempting to stay at a picturesque lodge at a berry farm 15 minutes outside of Leavenworth, thinking there will be shuttles to take you back and forth, hoping one of your friends will manage to stay sober, or perhaps you can just ride a unicorn on the way back to your dwelling. Just pony-up the extra Benjamins and roomie-up with friends for a weekend. A group of us stayed at a condo rental at Alpine Place, maybe a mile from the center of town, easily walkable and plenty of handy places along the way for things like coffee, quick meals or a convenience store run. Breakfast is a challenge during Oktoberfest, it's when the restaurants are hit the hardest for a single meal time, so having a full kitchen to make breakfast with coffee and have a lazy morning is so worth it.

Falling in love with Fall and Oktoberfest in Leavenworth - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I knew I would have a good time at Oktoberfest, but it wasn't for the obvious beer drinking or the drunken-tipsy times. I finally got it. I get why people are in love with Oktoberfest, why one friend said with such certainty, that, "Oktoberfest is my happy place." The natural beauty of Leavenworth, especially with fall in the air, made the whole town feel like an imaginary wonderland. Despite the heavy crowds of people during the day, I found time to carve out some "Me Time," with a cold but refreshing early morning jog and leisurely browsing a few stores before everything got crazy. I was with really great people, and they knew the best way to navigate the festival from previous years, so it felt like a guided tour outside of the typical experience. But the point was, I finally got it and I'm really looking forward to Oktoberfest in Leavenworth next year.

Mixed Plate: Apps You Can't Eat, But Can Eat With

You're in a restaurant or at a food counter ready to place your meal order, and when it comes time to take care of the bill, you take out your wallet... and your smartphone, to verify your digital coupon or discount. When did life get all The Jetsons on us? We use our phones for everything via the digital applications that are tailor-made for figuring out where to eat, what to do on a Saturday night or get your body hair lazered-off from head to toe. Clearly Humankind has been lacking before the smartphone circus came to town. Some of the more popular phone apps are the discount deal companies, namely for restaurants, and I wanted to see if they're really as great as sliced bread. Let's App it up, shall we?

Kimbap with spicy tuna at Oma Bap, using a Pirq discount - Photo by Wasabi Prime

I'm  not all business-minded-like, so I can't speak to the future of big social-coupon companies like LivingSocial, or several other similar group discount programs. Depending on who you talk to, they're either on the rise or ready to take their last breath. I just know that people love using them because who doesn't like a deal now and then? If you're not familiar with how they work, you sign up for a free account and they show you a list of discounts for businesses in your area. You're paying up front for a marked-down item, service or event you'll redeem before the deal's expiration date. We've used companies like this for event tickets, like a buy-one-get-one-free kind of thing, which is pretty good. Would we have gone to this event had we not seen this deal? It was a live orchestral and full chorus performing the soundtrack to The Lord of the Rings, while the film plays in the background on a giant screen, but if you know me at all, and what a total filthy nerd I am, you know this was something I could not bear to miss. So sure, it's helped us out for something we had a 99% chance of attending at full price.

My biggest challenge with using these group discount companies for trying new activities is that it's like Kryptonite for commitment-phobes like me.  We've received several deals as gifts, which I'm sorry to say went unused, mostly because we couldn't figure out a convenient time for the whole family to go kayaking out in open water or do a rope obstacle course. I'm sure they would have been fun and we totally sent a really nice thank you note because they really were pretty sweet ideas.

Use your smartphone for something useful -- FOOD! - Photos by Wasabi Prime

That being said, it makes sense that restaurants are the most useful discount items because hey, we gotta eat every day. I'm not totally sold on buying a discount to a place I've never been to, because it's like giving yourself a gift certificate to a store you've never shopped at -- honestly, what would I do with myself at Garden Gnome World? I think this is a good rule of thumb for any of these group discount programs: go with what you know and don't use group discounts for exploring because those are the deals that inevitably go unused. I've had plenty of emails from friends saying, come with me to this bar/restaurant/wine tasting because I have three days before it expires AND I HAVE TO USE IT NOW. That's not fun, it's eating and drinking on a time clock. I love trying places I've never been to, but I choose based on friends' advice, not because whatever I order will be 20% off. For myself, I use restaurant deals sparingly -- I'll check their listed deals only if there's already a purchase set in my sights, and not the other way around, otherwise it just feels like impulse buys that I'll feel rushed to use later. Bottom line: I eat/drink where I wanna eat/drink.

Which leads me to the apps that are a better fit for my own shopping/eating habits. I recently tried Pirq, which you download to your smartphone and it reveals restaurants divided by nearby cities that offer discounts ranging from 20-50% off, depending on the day and time of your visit. You don't purchase the discount, the app and discount program is free; you just have to commit to using a particular one, and then when you get to the place you check in by scanning a digital symbol (it uses Microsoft TAG technology) to confirm that you are at the place and using the discount, since once it's unlocked, you just show it to whoever is ringing up your order. It's nice because it's a little more casual, you're not purchasing anything ahead of time, and you can just commit to a discount on the spot and do the check-in scan to confirm the discount. I used it a few times at two favorite lunch spots, Oma Bap and Oobas -- I had a good user experience with both, the people there were familiar with Pirq and I'll definitely use the app again on my next visits. I admit, I'm not a heavy user, so I lose access to the better discounts by not redeeming more deals per month, but if you regularly go out to lunch or stop off at a casual spot for dinner, this is a great app. Also, they donate 10% of every Pirq deal redeemed towards feeding the hungry, they have a partnership with United Way.

I also tried out the discount aspect of Foursquare, a similar GPS-based app where you check into a place to confirm you were there. It's got the nice potential to replace those punch-cards that coffee or sandwich shops would do, where you place so many orders and you receive something free after so many purchases. I know several "mayors" of restaurants and bars who get happy hour prices all the time, as long as they keep their lofty position by checking in as many freaking times as possible. I used it to get a free take-and-bake pepperoni pizza at the Papa Murphy's down the street from where I live, just for checking in for the first time there, to which I added shreds of fresh kale at home - so good. We've bought our weight in garlic chicken pizzas there over the years, so it was by no means my first visit, just my first Foursquare check-in. There's definitely benefits for using Foursquare, but it's incidental, since not all businesses wave offers around -- and they shouldn't have to. I'm not a heavy Foursquare user. If anything, I'm a Foursquare Mocker, regularly posting tweets about how I'm the Fake Foursquare Mayor of every mundane thing under the sun. I have yet to see the benefit in publicly checking in at places, beyond making yourself an ideal target for a stalker, but I did like that some businesses add incentive for checking in. A free pizza is better than a virtual badge. But Foursquare wasn't built specifically for doling out business discounts, it's basically a big data mine, and even if they did offer more deals, I'm not likely to broadcast I'm checking in at Petco, just for a few bucks off Indy's kibble. So for frequent Foursquare-er's, keep those check-in's coming and collect the hell out of those badges, I have no plans on usurping your mayorship anytime soon.

So what's the overall takeaway on smartphone apps designed for food/restaurant discounts? To be honest, I use them sparingly, or not at all. Mostly because I've heard experiences from the business side, which is a mixed bag of results. Realize that when you see a company advertising a screamin' deal on group discount programs, they're likely doing it at a loss. The discounting with some of those programs is what I would describe as aggressive, and not something all companies can afford to withstand. I realize it's essentially a marketing push, to introduce merchants to new customers and generate more walk-in traffic, which for many companies, it's worked in their favor. For mega-corporations like McDonalds and Starbucks, when they offer group discounts, their budgets can more than afford it, it's the small, mom-and-pop companies, especially restaurants, who don't always reap the benefits of gaining new customers. Which is why for myself, if I do use these deal apps and programs, I try to stick with places I regularly visit, places that I happily support with or without a discount. Progressive companies like Pirq are moving towards a more balanced relationship with their merchants, and I hope that it's a successful business model that spreads the benefit more evenly, from businesses to customers.

P.S., if you're wondering why I haven't mentioned a particular group discount company that was one of the first on the market and starts with the letter "G," it's because of all the companies with this business model, this is the one that has consistently given merchants the roughest ride with at-times questionable business practices (read Hood Canal Seafood and Oysters' experience). I can't speak to all the group discount companies, and let me stress that I've had good experiences with the ones I mention above, but in the greater scheme of things, consider yourself as responsible a customer as you would expect of a business. Be mindful and fair, because it's not always about saving a buck, but being an involved supporter of your community.

UnRecipe: Why I Hate(d) Hamburgers

Food Confession: I never liked hamburgers as a child. If we were at a fast food place or a carnival of junk food, I'd opt for a hot dog, corn dog, chicken or filet-o-fish type of sandwich, or just tuck into a side of fries. But absolutely no hamburger. What the hell was wrong with me? Clearly I was a Bad Seed in the making, an abomination set for global destruction. But somehow, the Good Burger Fairy intervened along the way, cast out whatever demon was possessing my unholy soul, and I not only crave hamburgers regularly, I'll periodically write about them like I somehow know what the hell I'm doing.

Craving avocado more than hamburgers - Photo by Wasabi Prime

When I have time, I still write burger pieces for Serious Eats' A Hamburger Today, but it always feels like a house of cards ready to crumble, knowing I really didn't grow up mainlining this classic Americana grub that so many others couldn't imagine life without. It's only been within the latter years of my life that I came to appreciate The Hamburger, which isn't a small amount of time, but compared to so many people whose first food memory likely came out of a Happy Meal coveted by the Hamburgler, I'm a Fresh-On-the-Burger "FOB" initiate. I was never much of a beef fan when I was little. I hated steak and I barely tolerated meat loaf. My only appreciation for cow-flesh was the salty-sweet teriyaki beef that my mother would make, with paper-thin sheets of beef marinated to the point where all you could taste was the seasoning (this is Hawaii-style teriyaki, mind you, much more salty), or the Korean-style marinated beef, dipped in an egg batter and pan-fried, sliced and served with rice. This is not Americana. Not even a little. And maybe this had something to do with why hamburgers never excited me, at least not ones from the burger chains. Quite frankly, I found them to be flavorless and boring, as most ten-gazillion-served fast food joints sling 'em out to the masses.  It's no wonder I reviled burgers, and frankly surprised those fast food hockey pucks were likely the first hit of burger-ecstasy that got so many others on the junk food junkie train. And you were wondering what was wrong with me??

My new(ish) love affair with real hamburgers - Photos by Wasabi Prime

Maybe if my first taste of a hamburger was like the fancy-schmancy gourmet style burgers you can get at restaurants, I'd have changed my tune about burgers at a much younger age. My current favorites include the lamb burger at Willows Lodge, anything that sounds dangerous from Lunchbox Lab and the sunrise/fried egg burger at our local place in Duvall, Pickle Time. I'll even hit up Red Robin now and then -- technically it's local, the first location was in Seattle. Granted, the point of burgers is that it's an inexpensive food, so why pay more than a few bucks? My reasoning is, the negative health benefits are bad all around, regardless of the pricetag, so I may as well enjoy myself in the First Class section of a one-way ticket to Heart Attack-opia. Pass the basket of Endless Fries, please.

Having enjoyed many over-the-top hamburgers, seeking out ones that add different ingredients or meat patties for both writing and my personal belly-widening enjoyment, it really makes a burger worth savoring. I get just as excited when I make a burger at home, because the restaurants just inspire me to pile on the toppings, carte blanche. I've taken to grinding our own burger patty meat, combining different meats like pork, bacon and beef. Fresh-ground beef, as long as it's not formed too tightly into the burger shape, is extra-tender, plus you can cook it to a more rare state since you did the grind yourself. Pressing a well into the center of the patty before cooking keeps its shape when the meat shrinks up over the heat. For beef, I prefer several shakes of Worcestershire sauce into the beef mix, it gives it a little bit of a deeper, almost aged flavor.

Indy agrees, burger "research" from Red Robin is delicious - Photos by Wasabi Prime

I used to mix finely-ground garlic and rosemary into the meat, but the flavor just became too overpowering; those ingredients are better used in an aioli to spread on the bun. Flavor notes, not a sledgehammer to the face. My latest favorite topping is a chipotle "ketchup," which is soaked chipotle peppers stewed with a mix of way too many ingredients to list, and then blended into a sauce. Even without all the extra ingredients, chipotle peppers add a wonderful smoky sweetness and heat to a burger. It's not too overpowering, it just enhances that grilled, seared flavor on the meat. Soaking a small chipotle pepper and blending it down with mayonnaise would be a fantastic burger condiment. With slices of avocado and fresh cilantro piled on top, it makes for a fantastic Southwest-inspired burger.

Non-fried zucchini stick magic - Photos by Wasabi Prime

You can't have burgers without fries, but therein lies the rub: fried. I have no qualms about eating fried food, I relish every crispy moment where the roof of my mouth comes perilously close to being burned off with every impatient bite. I just don't like doing it at home, due to a mediocre vent that gums up every time I blink my eyes and the fact that I don't wish to release an airborne cloud of fry grease into our house that will likely permeate every nook and cranny until next Easter. I learned this early on when the Mister used to live in his Casa de Bachelor with several other dudes, and one of the dudes thought using a Fry Daddy indoors to make French fries was awfully wizard thing to do. The house never stopped smelling like a greasy, stale potato, and it served as yet another example of what happens when you rent a house to a bunch of dudes. Just remember: Knowing is half the battle.


My alternative to non-fried fries is baked zucchini fries. "But it's not a potato," you're saying, giving me that dirty look again that I'm completely missing the point. Listen here, Grumpypants, I cook for my needs, and one of my greatest needs is pandering to an immature lack of patience. Zucchini cooks a lot faster than potatoes, and when cut into narrow sticks, dipped in flour, then an egg wash, and a final roll in some panko crumbs and Parmesan shavings, it becomes the perfect trompe l'oeil baked fry. Shoved in a high-heat oven temperature of 420 degrees, the fast-cooking squash gets tender while the coating gets crisp and browned. Spuds take time, I don't care how quick and easy the oven potato fry recipes promise, and they wind up either soggy or burnt. While the zucchini won't be crispy and light like a golden potato fry, you've likely had fried zucchini before and your expectation levels are set for a crisp outer shell and a soft, roasted interior, which is exactly what the baked versions are.

Gourmet burger and fries done at home - Photos by Wasabi Prime

And so another childhood finicky food moment is laid to rest and all is right in the Hamburger Universe. Praise the Beef and pass the Fry Sauce!